|
|
The National Council of Hospice Professionals Book Review recently gave all four booklets published by Grief Encounters a 4+ rating (out of a possible 5 points). The review cited that the grief support booklets for friends, family members and co-workers are "a good educational resource, can be helpful, worth purchasing."
Jean Harrod, Professional Development & Research Program Assistant at the NCHPRV added that "The booklet on death in the workplace I highly recommend as a great resource but also as a useful marketing tool for hospice."
The NCHPRV evaluates materials based on eight different criteria - intended audience, strengths, weaknesses, readability, major themes, new idea and/or insights, validity of research and application to intended audience.
Hospices around the country have been utilizing these booklets in conjunction with their volunteer and bereavement programs ever since the NHO Newsline mentioned their availability in early 1996.
"Nation's Business" magazine, the official publication of the National Chamber of Commerce, included a reference to Grief Encounter's "Death In The Workplace - Managers and Workers Dealing With Grief" booklet in the March 1997 issue. The item, titled "Handling Workplace Grief" was included in the Managing Your Small Business section of the magazine. NB circulation is estimated to be around 485,000.
A half dozen, or so, business magazines and newsletters have advised their readers about the Workplace booklet in the past few months. "Business & Health" magazine, targeted at the managed care industry, included GEI's Workplace booklet in a November
Human Resource executives in both the private sector and at various levels
of government have been very supportive of the information included in GEI's
quick read booklets on what to do and say to a grieving co-worker.
From our conversations with HR people, it seems that more and more professionals
are viewing some of the traditional workplace problems like alcoholism and absenteeism
as having roots in unresolved grief of some kind.
The workplace is like a large, extended family and grief can play a big part, not only in how everyone gets along but ultimately, in how everyone takes care of business."
The Workplace booklet seems to have filled a void and provided managers and workers with a meaningful tool in times of crisis.
Executives at the Bradshaw Corporation, an operator of funeral homes headquartered in St. Paul, (MN) wanted to provide their clients with a grief resource center in one of their funeral homes. Up until that point the only place you could find this kind of merchandise was through direct mail catalog companies and book stores - especially the large chain stores. Both carry grief books and videos - but not a lot else.
The grief/gift resource center in the Bradshaw funeral home has a singular focus- to help grieving people. The store has books and booklets on dealing with grief.
There is also a big selection of unique sympathy cards for the grieving plus jewelry items, candle holders and lots of angels. Stationery items include note cards, stationery, envelopes and journals. There are garden items for those who would like to plant a memorial garden in honor of the deceased. There are over 800 items from 40 different manufacturers and publishers.
Grief Encounters put together the concept for Bradshaw and handled all planning, layout and purchasing of fixtures and merchandise for the resource center. The center opened in October 1996
Here's an example of some of the publications that have written about our grief support booklets this past year:
If you're a grief professional you're probably aware of the mail order companies that offer a nice selection of books about grief resolution. But, for those of you who may be experiencing grief over the loss of a loved one, or for those who just want to help a grieving friend or relative, or for those of you who volunteer your time and effort to see that fellow parishioners don't feel forgotten in their time of need, we share your frustrations. Where do you turn for support materials like books, tapes, and appropriate gift items for the grieving?
As a publisher of grief support materials we've been frustrated, too. So we put together an internet site catalog that is dedicated to featuring grief products that are not available together, anywhere else in the world. www.griefresourcescatalog.com This new electronic catalog features an array of wonderful products from over a dozen publishers and manufacturers.
Our commitment is to provide support to grieving people, their friends, family
members and co-workers in a thoughtful and timely manner ... wherever they happen
to be.
Employee Assistance Program executives attending their annual conference this past November in Las Vegas were fascinated to find a whole range of literature about grief support for the workplace this year. All four of Grief Encounters grief support booklets were available to attendees this year in the EAP Association Book Room.
According to Janice Laughlin. Resource Center manager at the EAP Association in Arlington, VA, the Workplace booklet is in perfect sync with the issues facing today's employee assistance professionals.
The grief support booklets represented several of the really hot items this year. A couple hundred of the grief support booklets were sold. Sales to EAP and human resource professionals always pick up following the conference. Laughlin said that the EAPA plans to make the grief support booklets available to members through the resource center.
"Coping with Grief and Loss" www.aarp.org/griefandloss is the new web site launched by the American Association of Retired Persons. The site will address common issues faced by widows and widowers as well as dealing with the grief of a parent or loved one. There will also be information for bereavement professionals. Visitors to the AARP site can automatically link to the Grief Resource Catalog site.
A first was recorded for Grief Encounters recently when the manager of an Oregon retirement home began using GEI grief support booklets as the basis of an educational series for residents.
Sylvia Nelson, who manages the McMinnville (OR) Residential Suites said that she is offering a course about what to do and say to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. "Although most of our residents are widowed" she said, "we need to know what to do and say about the grief process."
What stared out as a very nice article in the local St. Paul (MN) Pioneer Press about grief and sorrow has now been reprinted in eleven daily newspapers around the country thanks to the Knight-Ridder organization.
The page and a half article, written by Kay Harvey, featured background and quotes from Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams of Grief Encounters. It included a check list of what to do and say to a grieving person reprinted from the GEI booklets.
Accompanying the article was a listing of grief support groups in the Twin Cities area and when and where they meet. It also listed other relevant reading materials. Since late July when the article first ran, other newspapers in the Knight-Ridder organization added their own local grief support group information and reprinted the article. To date, newspapers in San Diego, Detroit, Fresno, New York, Birmingham (AL), Rhode Island, and Calgary, Canada and several other smaller cities have carried the article.
Ms. Moore noted that she knows when and where the article appears because the company receives calls, letters and e-mails from people interested in grief support from that city.
Several Major U.S. and Canadian Corporations Are Regular Customers
Levi Strauss, 3M and Corning lead the list of U.S. and Canadian companies that have made booklets on grief support from Grief Encounters available to their thousands of employees. 3M has been particularly supportive - both in the U.S. and in Canada. The 3M Healthlink program located at the U.S. headquarters facility in St. Paul, MN made all four of GEI's support booklets available and imprinted the back cover with the following message: "For More information, resources or services to help build your resiliency or that of your family, call 3M HEALTHLINK at 1-800-365-4651"
Corning Incorporated, located in Corning, New York has been a regular customer for several years as has Levi Strauss headquartered in San Francisco. Death in the Workplace ... Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief is the most often requested booklet.
For many other corporations, Employee Assistance Program administrators have stepped in to provide these materials.
Grief and The "Baby Boomers" ... They're Asking Hard Questions
It seems like everywhere you turn these days the Baby Boomers are being either credited or blamed for every social phenomenon there is. For those born between 1948 and 1958 that's a very big responsibility.
Funeral directors report that 'Boomers" are wanting to do it their way. Tradition has gone out the window and very little is sacred anymore. But, if there's one thing in common it's that this group of people want more information about everything including grief. Nothing stays in the closet anymore. It seems like the "Boomers" have been responsible for getting people to talk about previously taboo subjects like menopause, abuse and gay rights.
And, for many of those who have experienced a tragic loss, there is now more open discussion about the effects of grief. We think that's a very healthy sign and applaud the "Boomers" for their demands.
New Internet Catalog Site Features Hard To Find Grief and Grief Support Products
From A Dozen Different Companies
GRIEF RESOURCES CATALOG represents the newest and most complete offering of
grief support products ever to establish an address on the internet. It can
be found at wwwgriefresourcescatalog.com.
Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams of Grief Encounters, Inc., a Minneapolis based publishing and marketing company specializing in grief related products and services put together the web site catalog with the knowledge that there are many wonderful companies producing books, booklets, tapes and life style products designed to ease the pain related to the grief experience. And knowing, too, that there are countless thousands, if not millions, of people who would greatly benefit from these products if they only knew how and where to purchase them.
"It just seemed like the next natural step in expanding our publishing and marketing company," Williams said. "The web site catalog offers our products plus those of many of the other dedicated individuals who own and manage companies specializing in grief and grief support materials. It takes a certain kind of person to commit themselves to marketing books and products in this category ... the current structure of the industry frustrates many entrepreneurs. Our web site catalog makes their products available to a much, much wider audience," continued Williams, who is a widower of 5 years, himself.
Moore, whose husband died in 1991 from cancer, said that the idea of bringing much needed help to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one was the guiding principal of the company she help found with Williams several years ago. "We wrote and published a group of booklets about how friends, family members and co-workers can help a grieving person. The booklets are marketed to hospices, clergy and church organizations, the funeral industry and to human resource managers in business and government. We realized that there's just no place where the average person can go to find a selection of books, cards and gift items that deal with grief reconciliation and support."
Books are the predominate category with video and audio tapes taking up second place. Gift items and sympathy cards round out the selection. "Besides the inherent knowledge that comes from going through the grief process yourself,"
Williams continued, "We've done a lot of research in this area. We even conducted focus groups to determine what grieving people would like to see in a retail entity specializing in grief support materials. We believe we're on the right track with what we're offering."
A lot of the people who market grief related products share the frustration of not having a normal distribution channel with retail establishments that cater to the grieving. It's estimated that only a small percent of the general population can be categorized as grieving or wanting to help someone who is grieving at any given time and there is a limited window of opportunity even for these people. We're in an industry where your product is of little or no interest to most people one minute and then the next minute (following the death of a friend or loved one) information about grief and grief related products can be extremely important. And, the problem is that most people don't know where to go to get these products." With the inauguration of the Grief Resources Catalog on the internet it is now possible for individuals interested in seeking out information and products about grief to do so quickly, in private and with the knowledge that the web site catalog includes some of the best known writers on the subject along with some of the more unique and thoughtful products designed to ease the grief process. Orders can be placed over the internet using Visa or Master Card or by fax or mail.
Human resource executives in concert with employee assistance professionals are leading the way in developing programs designed to address unresolved grief issues resulting from the death of a loved one, friend or co-worker. Death in the WORKPLACE ... Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief is now the number one selling booklet at Grief Encounters. More than a dozen business publications have reviewed the booklet and editors have encouraged their readers to take note of this issue. City, county, state and federal government offices, police departments, school districts and universities have all ordered the Workplace booklet. We've even received orders from unions and charitable organization for this particular booklet. The Employee Assistance Professionals Association featured the booklet in their book room at their l26th annual convention held in Baltimore this past November.
Funeral executives are showing an increasing interest in the grief support
literature published by Grief Encounters. Several funeral directors cited the
"added value" that the booklets provided as well as a desire to address
the aftercare needs of their clients. This desire to focus on aftercare has
led several funeral chains to install retail grief resource centers in their
funeral homes. The resource centers offer books, cards and gift items for supportive
friends and relatives of the grieving. Other funeral executives mentioned mailing
the "Workplace" booklet to business leaders as a community service.
Interested parties can contact Grief Encounters for more information regarding
free imprints of the funeral home name and address on the back cover with a
minimum order.
The National Funeral Directors Association has featured all four of GEI's grief
support booklets in their catalog for the past several years.
Several years ago, when we made the decision to offer grief support materials over the Internet, one of our basic considerations was that we would be able to provide hope for grieving people who were unable to attend traditional grief support programs. We are proud to announce that this is now a reality.
For a total cost of less than $150 Grief Resources Catalog is able to deliver everything necessary to start a grief support group except the facilitator and the meeting room. The cornerstone of this package is Marge Heegaard's "Grieving and Growing - Curriculum For Adult Grief Support Groups." This is a complete "how to do it" guide that includes speaker and facilitator suggestions, registration materials, press releases and handouts.
The rest of the materials include a dozen books/booklets plus a video tape
to round
out a grief support group library.
"We've made an effort to keep in touch with some of the other Internet sites that feature grief related products", reports Dennis Williams. "One truly classy site is www.APlaceToRemember.com. It's dedicated to providing uplifting support materials and resources for those who have been touched by a crisis in pregnancy or the death of a baby. It is now a couple years old." They do an outstanding job in providing in-depth book reviews and discussions with authors. There's also a Remembrance Book registry where bereaved parents can register the name of their baby and write a few words of remembrance. There's also a Resource List and a Product Mall (catalog of products).
AARP's - Coping With Grief and Loss site (www.aarp.org/griefandloss) is another excellent resource. The site provides information for both professional grief counselors as well as widows and widowers, parents and loved-ones.
Here are a couple of other new sites. A very nice non-profit site is www.GROWW.com. There are lots of opportunities for posting of memorials, chat rooms and an extensive list of resources. Also, AccordInc.com, the new site from Accord Marketing Services provides thoughtful grief support information.
"We're very proud to include a new book in the Grief Resources Catalog from Rose Thompson titled Trophies and Treasures - Living With Grief. Ms. Thompson , who lives in Knoxville, TN, is a registered nurse specializing in pediatrics. She wrote this wonderful book of poems over a two year period following the death of her 15 year old son, Evan. Evan died in an automobile accident.
Ms. Thompson shares with others, who may just be beginning their journey, the feelings that occur as parents try to deal with the loss of a child. Many will find on these pages, the words that convey their feelings at a time in their lives when these feeling could not be put into words.
Custom Designed Graphics and Message Are Reminders of Fragile State of Mind
Grievers often experience loss of memory, forgetfulness, lack of concentration,
confusion and fatigue following the death of a friend or loved one. These colorful
coffee/tea mugs from the Grief Resources Catalog can remind them that they're
not crazy-they're just grieving.
Side One: "Grief Can Make You Think You're Going Crazy". Side Two: Lists symptoms as mentioned above. Dark purple and blue design on white mug. Sturdy stoneware mugs hold 12.5 oz. of liquid, dishwasher and microwave safe.
We designed these unique, one of a kind mugs and had them produced because we believe that they're a tangible way of saying that you care.
For many of the folks who attended the Edina (MN) Grief Support program sponsored
by
The Edina Coalition of Churches over the past twelve years, the most important
part of the
program was listening to the people who had made it through their grief experience
and
returned to the group to tell about it. Edina is a suburb of Minneapolis.
"We attended the Edina grief support program in the early 90's,"
reported Dennis Williams, who, along with his partner, Barbara Moore, had both
lost their spouses. "The segment of the support group sessions that consisted
of someone coming back to the group after a year or so and telling how they
made it through their own personal grief journey
was by far the most anticipated and appreciated part of the program," said
Moore. "We hung on every word. The first-person narrative approach gave
the grieving listeners hope that they, too, would be able to make it through
this difficult time. The new group of authors we've just added to the website
represent this kind of experience.
Leading the list of new authors is Sandy Goodman's "LOVE never dies - A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love." Although this is the story of a mother dealing with the tragic death of her son, it is for anyone struggling to make their way through the nightmare of losing someone they love. It's the book that you will turn to in the middle of the night when the pain presses in so tightly you can't breathe. Sandy Goodman describes how her seemingly irrational yet relentless desire to maintain communications with her dead son enriched her life and led to one unwavering conclusion: Death is not an ending. It is another stage of life and love that is available to anyone willing to experience it.
Sally Silagy's "My Teen Angel - A Mother's Grief About Heartache - Healing - Hope" is a non-fiction account of the authors personal tragedy. Ms. Silagy presents her story as well as stories about 12 other bereaved families who have suffered the loss of a teen. The book addresses topics such as normal grief responses, the stages of grief, dealing with the holidays, sibling survivors, on-line grief resources, and remembrance tokens and rituals.
In "Conquering the Mysteries and Lies of Grief," Sherry Russell presents
an
innovative investigation into loss. Based on hundreds of interviews along with
personal experiences, this book clarifies how and why grief catapults you into
a crisis situation, threatening your mental, physical, and spiritual health.
As Ms. Russell puts it - "Grief is miserable, unpredictable, and intimidating
work; by understanding the domino effect of loss, you can live a life of graciousness
and radiance."
Other books that fit into the "Telling Our Story" category includes: Healing - A Father's Grief by William Schatz, Healing Grief by Amy Hillyard Jensen, Curando El Pesar (Spanish version of Healing Grief), How To Recover From Grief by Richard Lewis Detrich and Nicola J. Steel, Letters To My Husband by Fern Field Brooks, Parent's Grief - Help and Understanding After The Death of a Baby by Carol Parrott, Sibling Grief by Marcia G. Sherago, Sit Down God ... I'm Angry by R.F. Smith, Jr., Trophies and Treasures by Rose Willis Thompson and Will Our Tears Forever Flow - A Father's Story of Grief and Hope by Ted L. Wampler
Marge Heegaard's extremely popular series of workbooks are designed to be illustrated by children dealing with grief issues . They include "When Someone Very Special Dies", "When Someone Has A Very Serious Illness" and "When Something Terrible Happens."
One of the most popular booklets published by Medic Publications and available on the GRC website is "LOSS - How Children and Teenagers Can Cope With Death and Other Kinds of Loss" by Patricia L. Papenbrock and Robert F. Voss. "Children's Grief", also by Papenbrock and Voss and "Sibling Grief - How parents can help the child who's brother or sister has died" by Marcia Scherago are also important books in this category.
Joey O'Conner's book and a tape titled "Heaven's Not A Crying Place: Teaching Your Children about Funerals, Death and Life Beyond" addresses the issues children deal with when they are faced with the death of a relative, schoolmate or other loved-one.
The U.S military has stepped up to the challenge of providing grief literature
to fellow military personnel. Orders from chaplains, family advocacy and information
officers are coming in from various military facilities around the world. Orders,
reflecting well thought-out
programs, were recently received from U.S. Air Force bases in several states
and as far away as Italy. One Advocacy Officer commented that with the real
threat of loss of life in combat on every one's mind, the need for grief materials
for military personnel, families and friends is all that more important.
Observers point out that military training exercise accidents have also been the source of many fatalities. Lt. Col. Bryan Hilferty, public affairs officer at Ft. Dunn in New York said that career soldiers often face greater risks in day-to-day business of training for war than they do in war itself.
According to a spokesperson for the Edina Grief Coalition - a partnership program of Catholic, Methodist, Presbyterian and Lutheran churches in suburban Minneapolis, "The number of grief support groups has increased ten-fold over the past 10 years in the Twin Cities. In 1992 there were only a couple of grief support groups sponsored by church coalitions in the
Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Now there are more than twenty." The average size of a grief group is around 40 and about 30% of the groups are now males. This figure is also up from 10 years ago when only about 15% to 20% were males. The Edina Grief Coalition is one of the largest in the Twin Cities with over 75 people attending the once a week sessions.
Asked why he thought there was such a large increase in church sponsored grief support groups, Steven Tibbetts of Heartsounds Center, Inc., a nationally known grief therapist, death educator, University of Minnesota faculty member and mortician as well as a noted public speaker, said that church coalition members have actively sought out both parishioners as well as others in the community to attend these programs. He added that, "many 'Baby Boomers' are at a point in their lives where one or both of their parents have died and this age group is very inquisitive. But, probably, the most important thing is that there is a greater general awareness of the importance of dealing with grief in all segments of society."
Minnesota has been a leader in this category, in part, because of
the world renowned Hazelden Foundation, a non-profit organization that provides
chemical dependency rehabilitation, education and prevention, is located in
nearby Center City, MN.
The cornerstone of the grief group materials available on the website is Marge Heegaard's "Grieving and Growing - Curriculum For Adult Grief Support Groups."
When Sue Shellenbarger recapped her workplace predictions in the December 26th issue of The Wall Street Journal, she said, "... I predicted workplace taboos against talking about death and grief at the office would crumble. Sadly, the forecast proved all-too-true, as the 2001 terrorist attack blasted workplace grieving out of the closet."
The Grief Resources Catalog features the booklet - "Death In The Workplace - Workers And Managers Dealing With Grief." This quick-read booklet is successfully utilized by many human resource and employee assistance program managers around the country.
According to Murray Swanson, owner of Medic Publishing, "The revised edition has, what I think are, moving words to cover the author's visit to the 911 site. The resource section has been brought up to date. The content is organized in short sections, so that the grieving person does not feel overwhelmed with too much to read at once. The grieving person is not ready to wade through a lot of material. In fact, much of the inspiration for the first edition came from observing that Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross had important and wonderful content, notably in "On Death and Dying", but that few grieving people could handle the density. Amy and I worked hard to get the Kubler-Ross findings and Amy's own experience gelled into easy-to-read, one-or two-page sections." "Healing Grief", first published in 1980, has sold over 2.8 million copies.
This booklet is very popular with both individuals and professionals with credibility of the author being the main reason. She knows grief first-hand, having lost her nine year old son, Michael, by drowning and then eight years later her twenty-three year old son, Eric, was killed in an auto accident. Then a brother and sister died. Her husband of fifty years died, and later a third child, Leslie, died of a brain tumor in the prime of her life.
Ms. Jensen studied grief and walked with others who are grieving. Her booklet is full of substance, covering fifteen topics including anger, guilt, sadness, children, suicide, faith, and growth. No other work does so much in so little space. This booklet includes many practical suggestions and a resource section. The quick-read booklet is 24 pages plus cover, 5 1/4" x 8 1/4". Single copies are $3.95 with quantity discounts available. Ordered in quantities of 100 copies, individual booklets cost $.85 each. A version in Spanish titled Curando el Pesar, is also available.
"Healing Grief" is one of the most often distributed booklets to survivors of loss by hospitals, hospices, and funeral homes throughout the country.
"Healing Grief" is now available via the internet through the Grief Resources Catalog.
People need to deal with grief related to the death of those they serve or a loved-one, friend or co-worker. "Public sector workers often deal with grief on a daily basis based on the e-mails we receive," said Dennis Williams. of Grief Resources Catalog.
The Gainesville Florida Fire Rescue recently organized a program that provides grief booklets to family members following a crisis and/or the loss of a family member. "It is NOT a priority at the scene during the emergency," said Michael Heeder, Information Officer, "rather the Fire Rescue Department's Public Education Specialist takes time after the initial shock to speak to them and answer questions about the event."
This is just one example of how state and local police, fire and hospitals are responding to grief. GRC has also had requests from veterans hospitals and federal correctional institutions among other public sector groups.
Myron Erickson, Chaplain at Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center in downtown Chicago, has a plan. His plan is to provide customized packets of grief literature to family members and friends at the time of death of a loved-one. "People are in shock and it's unlikely that anything we say immediately after the death will have an impact on them," said Erickson. "That's why we decided to put together these little packets of booklets." Chaplain Erickson selected five different booklets from Medic Publications to include in the packets. "Healing Grief" by Amy Hillyard Jensen is the cornerstone of the program.
Chaplain Erickson customizes the packets based on the relationship of the deceased to the survivors. He also includes relevant information about the Advocate Health Care organization and local grief support groups.
Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center is a 527-bed hospital designated with a Level I trauma center and Level III prenatal and obstetric center. It features a cancer center, medical and surgical in-patient care services, as well as a extensive cardiology program and a professional office building.
Human resource and Employee Assistance Program managers are taking a closer look at uncomplicated grief. The loss of a loved one, friend or co-worker often leads to unresolved grief problems - personal or work related - that may lead to other, more destructive behavior resulting in poor productivity, and high absenteeism.
International Personnel Management Association News indicated the frustration
faced by human resource managers about dealing with workplace grief in a survey
that reported 88% of the respondents said that "they or a colleague had
recently faced, or anticipated facing the loss of a loved one" ... and
"that 74% acknowledged that they were at a loss for words or self-conscious
about what to do for the bereaved ... "
The Ivy Business Quarterly said ".. Death. It's a subject that most would
rather avoid, and one that no amount of experience seems to make easier to handle.
For managers, dealing with the death of a colleague or addressing the issue
faced by an employee who experiences a personal loss can be one of the most
difficult challenges of their career."
"Death In The Workplace - Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief"
by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams has proven to be a valuable asset to EAP
and HR managers dealing with this issue.
The booklet is available in the Grief Resource Catalog.
Grief books and booklets from major publishing houses like Medic Publications, Judson Press and Baywood Publishing currently make up a significant portion of the Grief Resources Catalog.
Medic Publishing is represented with eight different quick-read booklets. These booklets are time-tested, and are utilized by many hospices, hospitals and funeral homes.
Judson Press is the publishing arm of American Baptist Churches in the U.S., an evangelical, ecumenical, interracial denomination. The Judson Press grief books represented in the GRC are not specific to the Baptist denomination or constituency.
Baywood Publishing is a major, independent, East Coast publisher that offers several of the more well-known books from their extensive 'Death and Bereavement' category.
Smaller publishers like Woodland Press in Minneapolis, provide various books and tapes to the website catalog.
Woodland Press publishes the works of Marge Heegaard, MA, ATR, LICSW and certified grief counselor. Ms. Heegaard is the author of eleven children and adult grief books and has developed a video based on her best selling book - "Grief: A Natural Reaction To Loss."
She has also produced a Curriculum For Adult Grief Support Groups.
Hospice and Palliative Care Organizations
Include Grief Support As Integral Part of Services
Through education, social and emotional support, hospice bereavement personnel can provide family members, friends and loved-ones of the deceased with important grief support information.
One of the most popular booklets that hospice personnel order from the Grief Resources Catalog is "Adult Children - How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent." This booklet discusses a very specific, and often times thorny, issue. The adult child and surviving parent have both experienced a major loss but are grieving for different reasons. "Adult Children - How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent" is one of four booklets written by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams about how friends, family members and co-workers can help someone who is grieving.
This friendly, easy to read guide shows how to draw on individual knowledge and experience to create highly personalized messages. The 48 page booklet enables professional and lay persons alike to quickly take what they need and get the letter written with personal meaning and restorative power. The booklet is 4 1/2" x 6 1/2", and written by John D. Haley, M.A. Single copies are $8.95. In quantities of 500 the price drops to $6.95. Additional discounts and custom imprinting are available on larger orders.
Funeral directors are using these quick-read booklets from Grief Encounters
to help friends, loved-ones, and co-workers help someone deal with the tough
issues related to the grieving experience.
The booklets, written by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams, explain what to say and do for a grieving person. They are "Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving", "Widowers - How They Grieve And What You Can Do To Help", "Adult Children - How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent" and "Death In The Workplace - Workers And Managers Dealing With Grief."
Funeral directors make them available at funerals and viewings to create positive feelings about the way they run their business. They also provide them to grief support groups hosted at the funeral home or those sponsored by churches or hospitals.
They include them in their lending library and have sent copies to local clergy and hospice personnel.
They have also sent the "Workplace" booklet to local business associates, human resource managers and local Employee Assistance Program managers. And, they offer these booklets to the local media as a way to generate greater awareness of the funeral home's "after care" services.
Funeral directors have found these booklets to be a good investment in their business.
Often people don't know what to do or say to someone who is grieving the death
of a loved one, friend or co-worker. These booklets, from Grief Encounters,
were developed to answer many of the questions asked by friends who want to
help. The booklets were written by a widow and widower and initially reviewed
by other survivors of various losses as well as clergy, grief educators and
funeral directors in order to incorporate as many perspectives as possible.
Written by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams, each of the four, quick read,
booklets have found an audience. The titles are: Adult Children - How To Deal
With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent, Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving,
Death In The Workplace - Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief and Widowers
- How They Grieve And What You Can Do To Help. The booklets cost $3.95 each
with volume discounts and special imprints for groups or corporations available.
There is currently nothing like this on the market - nothing as comprehensive, actionable or situation specific.
Often people don't know what to do or say to someone who is grieving the death
of a loved one, friend or co-worker. These booklets, from Grief Encounters,
were developed to answer many of the questions asked by friends who want to
help. The booklets were written by a widow and widower and initially reviewed
by other survivors of various losses as well as clergy, grief educators and
funeral directors in order to incorporate as many perspectives as possible.
Written by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams, each of the four, quick read,
booklets have found an audience. The titles are: Adult Children - How To Deal
With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent, Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving,
Death In The Workplace - Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief and Widowers
- How They Grieve And What You Can Do To Help. The booklets cost $3.95 each
with volume discounts and special imprints for groups or corporations available.
There is currently nothing like this on the market - nothing as comprehensive, actionable or situation specific.
It is estimated that about 2.5 million people died in 2004. In 2054 when the
youngest of the Baby Boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964) are just entering
their 90’s, that total will be around 5.5 million.
Since death and grief so often go hand in hand and with the Baby Boomers about to reach their ”Golden Years,” don’t be surprised that grief issues become a high priority. Aging, death and beyond will be defining issues.
Bereavement experts report that Boomers are wanting to do it their way – everything from hospice to funerals to dealing with grief. Tradition has gone out the window and very little is sacred anymore. But, if there's one thing in common it's that this group wants more information about everything including grief. Nothing stays in the closet anymore. It seems like the Boomers have been responsible for getting people to talk about previously taboo subjects like menopause, abuse and gay rights.
And, for many of those who have experienced a tragic loss –first, their parents, then friends and other loved-ones, there is now more open discussion about the effects of grief. We think that's a very healthy sign and applaud the Boomers for their demands.
According to some recent articles, researcher Donn Young of Ohio State University, challenges the notion that dying people can somehow hold on until key holidays to die. He bases his findings after studying 300,00 cancer patients. He says that the supposed phenomenon is mostly based on wishful thinking and selective memories. Other studies have shown similar results.
For those who work in hospitals and hospices, and for the survivors, antidotal evidence indicates just the opposite. The power of hope has shown to be a powerful motivator.
Often people don't know what to do or say to someone who is grieving the death of a loved one, friend or co-worker. These booklets were developed to answer many of the questions asked by friends who want to help. They were written by a widow and widower and reviewed by other survivors of various losses as well as clergy, grief educators and funeral directors to incorporate as many perspectives as possible.
Written by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams, the titles are: Adult Children - How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent, Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving and What You Do Can To Help, and Death In The Workplace – Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief.
The booklets cost $3.95 individually with volume discounts and special imprints for groups. There is currently nothing like these booklets on the market ... nothing as comprehensive, actionable or situation specific.
Will Our Tears Forever Flow is a touching story of a father's grief and resolution.
Ted Wampler tells the story of the sudden and violent death of his daughter,
Mary Lee Wampler Hitch in an auto accident in 1995. He takes us through his
agonizing journey of grief, shock, denial, confusion, anger, guilt, depression,
turning point and the healing process.
The “Telling Our Stories’ category in the Grief Resources Catalog is a collection of books written by those who have lost a loved one and were able to put their feelings down on paper.
The first-person narrative approach gives the grieving readers hope that they, too, will be able to make it through this difficult time.
The website catalog includes a dozen books by these survivors.
Jim and Sharon are active leaders in the Wisconsin state organization of The Compassionate Friends. To augment the outstanding materials provided by the national organization, Jim and Sharon decided to include two of HeartSounds Centers' tapes narrated by Steve Tibbetts and available in the Grief Resources Catalog. These grief videotapes will be part or their 2005 support group presentations.
They picked Guilt and Depression and Grief and Addiction and plan to have theses videos shown to attendees at the 18 different chapters in Wisconsin.
The Compassionate Friends is an international grief support organization for families who have experienced the death of a child. It is a mutual assistance, self-help organization offering friendship and understanding to bereaved families following the death of a child. Their mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others to be supportive. There is no religious affiliation. There are no membership fees or dues, and all bereaved family members are welcome.
The Compassionate Friends has chapters in all 50 United States plus Puerto Rico and Washington DC and nearly 600 total chapters in the country, offering friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved families. The organization has a presence in an estimated 29 countries around the world. For information on a local chapter or for other means of support, call The Compassionate Friends toll-free at 877-069-0010 or visit The Compassionate Friends website at www.compassionate friends.org.
The workplace was a safer place in 2002 according to recently released figures. 5,524 workers died on the job compared to 5,915 who died in 2001. These figures do not include those who died in the Sept. 11th terrorist attacks.
The decline extends a downward trend since 1997, when 6.238 workers died on the job. Workplace homicides also declined, to 609 in 2002 from a 1994 peak of 1,080.
Human resource professionals view workplace grief as an emerging concern in spite of the downturn in workplace deaths. This concern is confirmed by the continuing popularity of the quick-read booklet published by Grief Encounters titled “Death In The Workplace … Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief.”
An article by Jerome Groopman in the Jan. 26th issue of The New Yorker Magazine implies that the work of those in the grief industry is of little value while specifically targeting the integrity of the critical incident debriefing programs following the 9/11 tragedy.
Mr. Groopman takes issue with the quality of the debriefing sessions as well as those who have provided the services. He quotes Jeffery T. Mitchell, who in 1974, was instrumental in developing the original guidelines for critical incident debriefing, as stating that many of those private companies providing debriefing programs have “distorted and misapplied” the original guidelines of CID.
The article focuses on communal loss rather than personal loss at the expense of those individuals who have lost of loved-one and need help and those who have dedicated their lives to helping others deal with personal loss.
“Grief counseling may not always be effective and, in some cases, may be harmful,” a report released by the Center for the Advancement of Health in late November. A few of the findings include the following:
- The experience of loss may be universal, but responses are widely variable
and there
is no clearly defined course or process of bereavement or grieving.
- The majority of the population appears to cope effectively with bereavement-related
distress, and most people do not experience problematic grief or adverse health
effects.
- Maintaining continuing psychological and emotional bonds with the deceased
is not necessarily an indication of problematic grieving and can be associated
with positive adaptation to bereavement.
For many of us who have chosen to work in the grief industry, tragedy or personal loss was a key factor. For others, it’s the opportunity to help someone in need. This report does indicate that counseling or other medical interventions may be helpful for people suffering complicated grief, in which the bereaved experiences symptoms that may interfere with normal functioning.
This concern alone should provide all of us with some solace as well as continued determination.
For additional information on this report – check the web at: www.cfah.org/pdsf/griefreport.pdf
Dennis Williams, Grief Resources Catalog
Last Acts, a coalition of 1200 organizations that work to improve care and caring near the end of life, reported recently on a study by researchers Nicholas Christakis and Theodore Iwashyna. The study detailed the longevity of spouses whose husbands or wives received hospice care. It confirms earlier held beliefs and is considered the first large-scale study of its kind. The researchers found that spouses whose partners died while receiving hospice services were more likely to be alive 18 months after their loss than those whose spouses died without hospice. There was about 0.5% difference between those who used hospice and those who didn’t.
For additional information, check Last Acts on line - www.lastacts.org
Steven Tibbetts, MS, LISCW, grief psychotherapist and licensed funeral director has produced seven informative, heart-felt videos in front of support group audiences.
These seven unique and completely different videotapes are each a half-hour to hour in length. Titles include “Childhood Loss and Family Issues”, “Dealing With Grief at the Holidays”, “Grief and Addition”, “Dynamics of Grief “Managing Guilt and Addition”, “Recognizing Fear and Anger”, and “Stress and Loneliness.”
Funeral directors, hospital, fire and police chaplains, grief support group program and treatment center facilitators will find these videos extremely helpful. The videos are now available in the Grief Resources Catalog. $42.50 each.
This project guidebook was created and compiled by Gay McWhorter, M.Ed. and
ADEC Certified Grief Counselor. It consists of activities suitable for support
groups with grieving children, preteen and teens. It is arranged by types of
activities - opening activities that can be a book or an activity designed to
promote discussion and main activities that involve specific topics or themes.
The book is a compilation of activities based on Ms. McWhorter's ten years of
experience as a grief counselor. It's 74 pages plus cover, 8 1/2" x 11"
and sells for $24.95.
'Solomon & Lily' is a unique story about friendship, loss, transformation, healing, reaching full potential and coming full circle. The story uses the life cycle of a Monarch butterfly to illustrate these themes. It was written by Allie Schield and illustrated by Barb Jerome. The author recommends the book for children from age 2 to 10. Heavy, gloss paper, Perfect bound, 40 pages, 5 3/4" x 8". $11.99. Funeral directors have found this book of particular value in assisting families.
The Grief Resources Catalog also carries children’s grief workbooks by Marge Heegaard, plus the booklets and books by Patricia L. Papenbrock and Robert F. Voss, Marcia Scherago and Joey O'Conner.
Mortuary science professionals are encouraged by the fact that more women are
joining the funeral industry. The 50 percent ratio of male to female graduates
is a far cry from the 10% number of women graduates in the 1970’s
In spite of the long hours, low pay and the emotional hardships related to the funeral business, more women are choosing this career path at a time when death rates are increasing and the number of people obtaining funeral licenses is declining.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the growth in women graduates reflects those traits that are important to achieving success in the industry – compassion, communication skills, desire too comfort those dealing with death, and, organizational and event planning skills.
In his capacity as a licensed funeral director and a certified grief counselor, Steve Mitchell wrote a wonderful little booklet for grievers titled “Its OK! - A Journey Through Grief.
Steve had heard those attending his grief support groups at the funeral home
he managed in Florida tell
their fellow grievers over and over again, that “its OK” to share
their fears and emotions. From this experience, Steve decided that it was important
to tell other grievers that its ok to have these feelings and that they weren’t
going crazy. Steve put together many of these thoughts into a little booklet
and gave the booklets away to those he came in contact with. Soon, other funeral
homes, hospice organizations and victim advocacy groups began ordering the booklets.
Each page includes a poignant thought. It’s just 3” x 3” and
is 32 pages in length. This little booklet that has been widely distributed
throughout the southeast, is now available nationally on the Grief Resources
Catalog website.
These little booklets make great, inexpensive handouts for individuals or groups. Single copies are $1.60 each – 101-500 copies - $1.25 each and 500 or more copies are $0.95 each.
Searching for a Mustard Seed: One Young Widow’s Unconventional Story by Miram Sagan has been named winner of the 2004 Independent Publisher Book Award. Ms. Sagan, a Jewish poet, chronicles the two-year period following the unexpected death of her husband, a 36-year old Zen priest. The author’s inspirational message and engaging candor have given this book resonance across a broad audience of both men and women.
The award is designed to give recognition to extraordinary books produced by small presses. Quality Words In Print of Costa Mesa, CA published Searching for a Mustard Seed. It is available on the Grief Resources Catalog website.
3M Corporation, with more than 67,000 employees worldwide, makes booklets on grief support from Grief Encounters available to their employees. The 3M Healthlink program located at the U.S. headquarters facility in St. Paul, MN makes all four of GEI's support booklets available and imprints the back cover with a help line phone number. The titles provided include Being A Friend, Adult Children, How To Deal With the Grief Of A Surviving Parent, Widower, and Death In The Workplace.
The Grief Resources Catalog now carries more than a dozen booklets and books that deal with helping children deal with loss. Here are a few of the books available:
How Children and Teenagers Can Cope with Death
This is about loss through death - that of a parent, grandparent, other close
relative, or friend.
Author Marcia G. Sherago, M.S.W., overwhelmed with her own grief, found it hard to get involved in the grief of her other son. From that experience and her work as a professional caregiver, she describes age differences, common responses, and eight helpful things to do, and four things not to do.
Information and directions using art to help children ages 6-12 understand and express difficult feelings from loss and change. Helps individuals or groups cope with feelings from family change. Includes directions for separate sessions for each of the workbooks developed by Marge Heegaard.
This is a unique story about friendship, loss, and transformation, healing, reaching full potential and coming full circle. The life cycle of a monarch butterfly illustrates these themes. Written by Allie Schield and illustrated by Barb Jerome. Ages 2 to 10. Heavy, gloss paper,
Designed to help children deal with their feelings about death. Children, with adult supervision, are invited to illustrate and personalize their loss through art. Ages 6-12.
This is a hugely popular booklet with both individuals and professionals. Credibility
of the author is one reason. She knows grief first-hand, having lost a nine
year old son, a grown son and daughter, and a husband. She also studied grief
and walked with others who are grieving. Her booklet is full of substance, covering
fifteen topics including anger, guilt, sadness, silence, tears, suicide, faith,
and growth. No other work, to our knowledge, does so much in so little space.
Includes many practical suggestions. An updated version is now available in
a fourth edition. It has moving words to cover the author's visit to the Ground
Zero site. The resource section has been brought up to date and the content
is organized in short sections, so that the grieving person does not feel overwhelmed
with too much to read at once.
The Grief Resources Catalog offers significant discounts on volume orders of this booklet.
On this hospice resource web site (www.HospiceResources,NET) you will find a directory of consultants as well as other firms and companies interested in meeting the business needs of hospices throughout the country.
The website was established in 1999 by former NHO President, Jay Mahoney through his consulting firm, Summit Business Group, LLC.
There is also a Speakers Bureau with a listing of some of the finest and most knowledgeable speakers in the industry. Once you have located a firm you can contact them directly using the information provided in their listing, including access to their e-mail address. For many of the listings you can also find out more about their services through links to their web
Grief Resources Catalog is one of the newest participants in the Hospice Resources Net website.
The recent death of Elisabeth Kuber-Ross at age 78 had a dramatic impact on many of those who continue her work in one way or another. Murray A. Swanson, owner of Medic Publishing, is one of those people.
“My study of grief began most notably with the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and has since grown into a large body of knowledge on what grieving people go through and what is helpful to them.
Back in the 1970's, we looked at some of this research and saw a need for translating it into a form more helpful to the grieving person – something concise, easy to read, and low in cost.
Our first effort was the 24-page Healing Grief by Amy Hillyard Jensen. Ms. Jensen experienced devastating grief and then became a student of Kubler-Ross. The content of her booklet was consistent with research, amazingly thorough, and with enough of her personal experience blended in so that the reader found her credible. Counselors immediately ordered the booklet for their clients. It has now grown to one of the most successful handout in the field – 3.8 million copies sold. Healing Grief is now in its fourth edition.”
Kuber-Ross published her first book, On Death and Dying in 1969. The book is credited with revolutionizing the care of the dying, enabling people to die more peacefully and with greater dignity.
Grief professionals everywhere have expressed their respect and sense of loss.
This project guidebook was created and compiled by Gay McWhorter, M.Ed. and ADEC Certified Grief Counselor. It consists of activities suitable for support groups with grieving children, preteen and teens. It is arranged by types of activities - opening activities that can be a book or an activity designed to promote discussion and main activities that involve specific topics or themes.
The book is a compilation of activities based on Ms. McWhorter's experiences as a grief counselor. 74 pages plus cover, 8 1/2" x 11". JMC-1 $24.95
Seven years ago Barbara Moore and Dennis William co-wrote a series of booklets designed to aid those who wanted to help someone who was grieving. These four, quick-read, booklets are about what to do and what say to someone who is grieving. The authors’ first hand experiences in a grief support group confirmed for them that there was a definite need for appropriate guidelines in this area. The titles include: Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving, Adult Children – How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent, Widowers – How They Grieve And What You Can Do To Help and Death In The Workplace – Workers And Managers Dealing With Grief. Each booklet includes a checklist to help the reader organize his or her support efforts.
Gale Massey wrote a little booklet titled Grief … Reminders of Healing
in 1991. It was a small, pocket size booklet for use by people experiencing
loss. Its message provided reassurance and encouragement during this difficult
time. The booklet was such a success that she followed it up with Grief …
Nurturing the Process - a booklet that explores the needs of the survivor and
offers concrete suggestions for regaining hope for the future while maintaining
a connection with and honoring the memory of the deceased. Both booklets are
available on the Grief Resources Catalog website.
Both of the booklets are really small (3” x 3”) but they pack a lot of actionable thoughts in the 24 pages plus cover format. According to many of the funeral directors, hospice professionals and hospital chaplains who are big fans of these little booklets, the fact that the booklets are so small is a real benefit. They literally fit into someone’s pocket or purse and can be easily accessible in time of need.
The booklets retail for $2.45 each. Quantity discounts are available.
In an article published on the Internet by Grace Christ (www.childrensgrief.com), of Columbia University, School of Social Work, Ms. Christ emphasized the importance of how the age of the child determines how he or she deals with grief and how adults can be of support.
What helps grieving children most? According to Christ’s study, an intervention that guides parents on how to help their children before and after death seems to be most helpful. "It is hard to overestimate the importance of giving children information at all stages," she says.
Families that did best in the study (those that returned to a normal level of functioning) attended children’s support groups, read about children’s grief, and participated in individual and group counseling.
The Grief Resources Catalog features eleven booklets and books for grieving children. These include: LOSS – How Children and Teenagers Can Cope With Death by Patricia L. Papenbrock and Robert F. Voss, When Someone Very Special Dies by Marge Heegaard and Healing Activities for Children In Grief by Gay McWhorter.
According to recent Defense Department figures, almost half of the U.S. military and other U.S. service personnel killed in Iraq and Afghanistan were married. The total deaths in these military actions are now around 1700. That makes for a lot of young widows and widowers.
Although the 2000 U.S. Census reported that this age group – 20 to 49 years of age – makes up only about 1 million people, or less than 7% of the total widow/widower group, war casualties create unique problems.
But like other young widows and widowers, there are also a lot of similarities – grief for what might have been, what could have been and what would have been. Add to that the care and nurturing of young children, loss of income, dating and re-marriage and you have almost insurmountable obstacles for those left behind.
Many community grief support groups make a concerted effort to provide unique counseling to young widows and widowers because their loss is significantly different than those in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s who have equally difficult, but entirely different issues with which to deal.
For more information – check www.youngwidowsandwidowers.com, www.youngwidow.org. or www.widownet.org.
Palliative Care is a pro-active approach to the end of life. Some professionals have compared it to a road map to help patients, and or their advocates, make the best health care decisions possible. While hospice provides end-of-life care and setting, palliative care can help a patient stay in his or her own home and be treated by a nurse – thus providing necessary care and minimizing hospitalizations that can be very difficult on the patient.
Statistics indicate that most people are still dying somewhere other than at hospices – only about 20% of those who die, die in a hospice. Fifty percent of those begin hospice within the last two weeks of their lives.
For those interested in knowing more about hospice, the Grief Resources Catalog features All Kinds of Love –Experiencing Hospice by Carolyn Jaffe and Carol H. Ehrlich. This is a personal account of home hospice care based on Ms. Jaffe's experience as a hospice nurse. Each chapter presents a different aspect through stories about her patients, their families, and their caregivers. It differs from others in its field because of its high human-interest approach.
Instead of clinical case histories or academic discussions, real-life stories bring home the deeper meaning of hospice care. 6" x 9", 346 pages. From Baywood Publishing. BPC-3. $36.95
The holidays pose unique and stressful problems for the newly bereaved along with their families and friends. Whether is an anniversary, birthday or a holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas, the anticipation of how it will go can often be more stressful than the event itself.
Planning ahead lessens the emotional turmoil associated with the rituals surrounding
holidays. Changing the way you’ve always done things can also ease the
pain. Talking about the forthcoming event with friends and family can ease the
stress, but knowing that things won’t be the same will help you and others
who cared about the deceased deal with the situation on a more even keel.
Here are a few suggestions:
* Don’t isolate yourself – take time to reflect and remember, but
also accept the support of friends and family.
* Create a support system – make an effort to keep in contact, plan and/or
attend events that will keep you in touch. But, having said that, don’t
over-extend yourself either by trying to do more than you can handle.
* Don’t run away from your grief – most grief professionals will
tell you that running away does not solve your problems. But, if you find that
you can’t deal with the emotional and/or physical stresses, just walk
away There will be other holidays.
* Share memories with friends and family – this is always a good idea
regardless if it’s a holiday or not.
Kelly Balzell, on her grief website www.beyondindigo.com, provided some unique ideas for dealing with grief during holidays. She included the following:
* Water is Healing – flowing or still, water can be healing. Include
a water fountain in your life – it will soothe a busy mind and bring a
sense of balance and peace to your emotions.
* Treat Yourself To A Massage – a massage can relax your tired and aching
muscles and provide an overall sense of relaxation.
* Treat Your Senses – light some candles and experience their fragrance.
Brew a cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate, put on your favorite music CD and
relax in your favorite chair. By doing this, you have created a haven for your
five senses – sight, touch, taste, smell and hearing.
* Comfort Someone Else – grieving people know how much it means to have
friends offer loving support and comfort throughout the days following their
loss. Why not return this caring thought to someone else? Take some flowers
to a nursing home and check with the nurse in charge to see who would appreciate
a visit and flowers.
* Enjoy A Joke A Day - laughter is good for the soul. There are several websites
that provide jokes that might be something you would enjoy. Check out Internet
sites like www.joke-of-the-day.com or www.ajokeaday.com. Share them with others
if you can.
Remember to focus on family members who are still in your life and especially those who are also grieving and will share the holiday with you.
How often have you heard those words? Do they accurately reflect the post-loss socialization process of widows and widowers?
Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams wondered about these issues and asked a lot of questions of widows and widowers and then wrote some booklets that included some thoughts on the subject. Widowers … How They Grieve and What You Can Do To Help is one of four booklets they wrote to help friends and family members deal with the issues that invariably come up following the death of a wife or significant other.
According to Moore and Williams, statistics show that 52 percent of widowers remarry within 18 months of a mates death – far greater than the widows who remarry that soon.
There’s no question that men and women grieve differently and early remarriage is just one of the manifestations of those differences. Knowing what these grieving traits are can be a great advantage to those who want to help. It also provides comfort to those who are uncomfortable with the way their father, brother or friend is moving on after the death of his mate. Widowers … How They Grieve and What You Can Do To Help answers many of these questions. This quick-read booklet includes a checklist to help readers organize their support efforts. It’s 16 pages plus cover and 5 1/2” x 8 1/2”. $3.95 each with quantity discounts available.
For those who have lost a loved-one, an appropriate hug and a few good words is the least that they can expect from a bereavement professional. For those who deal with loss on a daily basis, the gift of information, inspiration and understanding should also be an integral part of his or her contribution to the healing process.
Steve Mitchell, Licensed Funeral Director and a Certified Grief Counselor understood that responsibility and wrote a wonderful little booklet for grievers titled “Its OK! - A Journey Through Grief. This little booklet is now available to funeral directors and other bereavement specialists from the Grief Resources Catalog
Steve had heard those attending his grief support groups at the funeral home he managed tell their fellow grievers over and over again that “its OK” to share their fears and emotions. From this experience, Steve decided that it was important to tell other grievers that “its OK” to have these feelings and that they weren’t going crazy. Steve put together many of these thoughts into a little booklet and gave the booklets away to those he came in contact with. Soon, other funeral homes, hospice organizations and victim advocacy groups began ordering the booklets. Each page includes a poignant thought. It’s just 3” x 3” and 32 pages in length. It’s a booklet that truly reflects the survival instincts of those who have gone through grief and as such, it’s inspirational to those who read it. Inexpensive, quick-read booklets can have a big impact on those who receive them.
The booklets cost $1.60 each with quantities of 101-500 - $1.25 and 500 up - $0.95.
This wonderful coloring book titled When Someone Very Special Dies – Children Can Learn To Cope With Grief is one of three illustrated booklets from Marge Heegaard and offered through the Grief Resources Catalog. Ms. Heegaard is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Registered Art Therapist and Certified Grief Counselor. She has been a leader in developing support for adults and children using the art process to express feelings of grief. This book is part of a series called DRAWING OUR FEELINGS designed to provide parents, educators, and counselors an organized approach to help children cope with grief from family loss or change.
The book was developed for children ages 6-12. It focuses on their ideas and expressions instead of their drawing ability. It includes helpful suggestions on how adults can help children cope with death and grief. 36 pages, 11” x 8 1/2”. $6.95.
The shock of the death of a loved-one and the emptiness that follows that loss
can be
Overwhelming to many. In the fast paced, mobile world we live in, information,
compassion and companionship following a major loss are often found in a griefsupport
group.
Grief support groups are flourishing because there is a basic need for people who have lost a loved one to share that loss with others. Support groups provide a place for people to give and receive both emotional and practical information. Hospitals, funeral homes, churches and church coalitions, national organizations like the American Cancer Society and even informal gatherings of individuals with similar kinds of loss can provide grief support.
A grief support group should provide attendees with the following:
* Regularly scheduled meetings with structure
* A meeting place that provides a minimum of physical and emotional comfort
* Up-to-date information
* Group leaders and facilitators that can provide information and hope
* Open participation
* Confidentiality
* Clearly stated objectives
For those attending a grief support group, a structured environment can be especially important. Making order out of the chaos that is grief can mean the difference between a person attending a grief support group and learning from others or going it alone and taking his or her chances.
Because grief support groups are often staffed by those who have experienced loss, there is a greater probability that those who lead will do so with compassion. It is also often true that because of the common denominator of grief among the attendees and their sharing of those experiences, long and lasting bonds will be established.
Grief support groups are not for everyone who has experienced a loss. Type of loss plays an important part, as does the age of the survivor. Larger grief support groups now break down into smaller groups based on type of loss and age so as to be more relevant to those who attend. In most cases women still out number men by about five to one and it is not uncommon for women to be more verbal during the group sessions.
For those interested in starting and conducting a grief support group, Marge Heegaard’s Grieving and Growing – Curriculum For Adult Grief Support Groups is a valuable resource. It includes everything you need for a year-long program to help grieving people understand and express their grief. Also includes program development, facilitator training guidelines, forms for registration and evaluation and handouts. It’s 140 pages, 8 1/2” x 11”. The cost of the manual is $30.00.
You're in Pittsburgh on business and one of your co-workers in the home office
has just lost his wife to cancer. You'll be in Chicago tomorrow and Salt Lake
City the day after - the funeral is tomorrow and you're not going to be able
to attend due to the pressing demands of your hectic schedule. You can call
him at the office, but chances are you're going to get his voice mail. You figure
it's probably not a good idea to leave your condolences on his voice mail and
you're right.
You could, though, leave a short message that you will continue to try to get
a hold of the person.
In today's business world with so many communications tools available, is there any way, short of being there, to effectively extend condolences to a co-worker?
Conventional wisdom and etiquette has always indicated that a personal exchange is best - especially a handshake or appropriate hug along with your words of sympathy.
A telephone call, a sympathy card, a note or letter are all considered appropriate.
Several nationally known arbiters of etiquette have recently endorsed the use
of e-mail as a means of sending condolences. A personal
e-mail message would allow you to express your feelings on a one-to-one basis.
But with the option of on-line greeting cards you can enlist the expertise of
professional writers. Among the on-line greeting card sites that offered sympathy
cards, The Sympathy Shop (www.thesympathyshop.com) and Blue Mountain (www.bluemountain.com)
offer a nice selection. Your decision to send your condolences via the Internet
depends on a lot of factors, first and foremost is how well you know the person
who will receive the card. If you’re at all unsure, it’s best to
put a traditional sympathy card in the mail.
Condolences and other words of sympathy don't come easy. They demand thought and they demand some understanding of the grief process. The words should to be your own. Someone has died, someone vital and important. Refrain from 'canned' expressions. Don't try to be too vivid or sensational.
Your written words may have a profound effect on the reader - maybe not when first read but more likely weeks, months or even years later.
Here are a few things to try to incorporate into your condolences:
* Share your pain and sense of loss
* Include remembrances
* Use the deceased's name
* If the death had been a co-worker instead of a co-workers spouse or other family member and the written condolence is to the family - include something about how valuable the deceased was to you or to others in the company.
The Grief Resources Catalog offers a little booklet titled “Death in the Workplace – Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief” written by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams. Many national corporation executives, governmental agency employees and small business owners have found the booklet to be very helpful. Individual copies are $3.95 with custom imprinting and quantity discounts available.
Road rage, rudeness in public places, inconsiderate acts by normally considerate individuals – are these actions the result of unresolved grief?
A recent newspaper headline read, “Consumed by grief, despair.” It’s the story of what seems to be a good man gone bad. It tells about a father whose son overdosed on drugs and the father’s inability to cope with the loss. It talks about depression and medications and eventually an act against society that doesn’t seem to make any sense.
Researchers now believe there is a link between unresolved grief and antisocial behavior, especially if the initial loss was that of a violent nature. Although the bulk of literature in this area involves children and adolescents, an article by Bob Baugher, Ph.D. on the Violent Crime Victim Services website (www.vcvs.org) lists behavioral traits including “Furious hostility” as part of unresolved or conflicted grief symptoms.
Steven Tibbetts, MS, LISCW, grief psychotherapist and licensed funeral director has also addressed some of these problems in his series of videos dealing with grief and loss. In his 30-minute video in front of an adult grief group, titled Recognizing Fear and Anger, Mr. Tibbetts talks about survivors who ask, ”what do I do now and who am I now that this has happened?” He discusses the anger aspect by saying that people often stay angry with the deceased for dying. They tend to feel abandoned and don’t have defined or ample coping skills to deal with the anger they are experiencing. The video offers helpful methods in dealing with fear and anger.
Other titles in the video collection are: Childhood Loss and Family Issues, Dealing With Grief at the Holidays, Dynamics of Grief, Grief and Addiction, Managing Guilt and Depression, and Stress and Loneliness. $42.50 each.
One of the best selling grief booklets ever published has been updated to include the current account of the author’s personal story and a carefully revised version of the resource suggestions.
Healing Grief, published by Medic Publishing is available from the Grief Resources Catalog as individual copies or in bulk with quantity discount pricing available.
A mainstay of the bereavement industry since 1980, this 24 page,
5 1/4” x 8 1/4” booklet has been a favorite of hospice professionals,
clergy, hospital personnel, funeral directors and others who come in contact
with those dealing with loss. Murray Swanson, president of Medic Publishing
notes that professionals have been especially enthusiastic in their support
of the booklet and have also helped with thoughtful criticisms. The author has
taken note of each concern, checked with authorities, and revised accordingly.
For example, questions about the use of medication for depression led to a restatement
on that issue in an earlier edition of the booklet.
Grief support group facilitators have also shown their support of this booklet by calling it “ideal” for their groups. Individuals have often said that the booklet got them through the early days of grief and that they read it from cover to cover several times and then ordered additional copies for their family and friends.
Ms. Jensen knows grief first-hand, having lost a nine year old son, a grown son and daughter, and a husband. She also studied grief and walked with others who are grieving. Her booklet is full of substance, covering fifteen topics.
John G. had become somewhat quiet and withdrawn over the past few months. His office door was often closed and he didn't always answer his telephone calls. John had been a star salesman for the company the past few years and it was obvious to some that there was a problem.
To those who knew John and were concerned about his behavior the general opinion was that the problem must really be very bad. John was like the Rock of Gibraltar. He had handled his wife's death a couple years ago without missing a beat. He had been one of those who immersed himself in his work - arriving early and staying late. You could always depend on John.
Unquestionably, there are a multitude of things that could be the source of John's problem. But, more and more, human resource executives and other concerned managers are discovering that unresolved grief may be the source of some of the dysfunctional work behavior displayed by workers.
The workplace does not traditionally offer survivors with a venue to talk about grief. And, unless there is someone John works with or a friend or family member who has also been through this kind of loss, it's unlikely that he can right himself without some kind of significant action. That's not to say that John and others like him can't pull themselves out of this kind of situation - many people have. But it's also possible that John will just bury his feelings - drown them in his work - which can lead to some of the more traditional workplace problems of poor attendance and lower productivity that are often due to alcohol abuse, drug dependency or a general despondency.
Men are especially vulnerable to this problem. Society tells them that they must exhibit manly traits when faced with overwhelming loss and that they must hold it together, take charge. They must not cry or show weakness of any kind. And, the workplace can be a haven for men faced with these problems. They can pour their energies into productive channels - working long hours and avoiding the realities of their loss. Textbooks tell story after story of couples dealing with child loss where the typical female response is tears of grief while men want to sue someone.
Unresolved grief can mean that some, if not all, of the emotions related to a major loss have not been adequately dealt with - and these can be different with every person. Shock and denial followed by despair, guilt, depression and detachment are the emotions that grief counselors point to when they discuss the manifestation of grief or cluster of feelings.
Even if John G. has started dating again or has even remarried - which is something men often do very quickly following their wife's death - there may be unresolved issues that are keeping John from effectively dealing with his grief. Several areas that might be a source for delaying this process for men:
* Unresolved problems in a marriage prior to a spouse's death.
* Unable to find a place for their late wife in his new live.
* Experiencing too many losses in too short of time.
The Grief Resources Catalog offers two booklets that may provide loved-ones, friends and co-workers with guidelines on how to help someone like John G. deal with his grief. Death In The Workplace – Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief and Widowers – How They Grieve and What You Can Do To Help are both excellent resources.
Individual grief counseling may be a way for John G. to deal with his unresolved feelings. Community and church sponsored grief support groups are another good resource.
Most of us believe that laughter is good for us. We read about the miracles
that have resulted from someone laughing at his or her misfortune and then overcoming
the impossible. But, what about those grieving the loss of a loved one? Can
we really view laughter as a viable technique in helping someone deal with his
or her loss? Or is laughter just one of those things that happens somewhere
along the road to reconciliation?
For those who have traveled that road from overwhelming, heart-stopping grief
to a life that accommodates the loss of a loved one, the first experience with
laughter can be unexpected relief, combined with overwhelming guilt, especially
when some of these same people felt that they would probably never laugh again.
For many grieving people laughter often comes while they’re in the company of other grieving people. Grief support program facilitators in many situations encourage those attending the formal portion of programs to meet informally over coffee or dinner. It’s in these relaxed environments that grieving people can share their inner-most thoughts with others who fully understand their feelings, relax some of their defenses, forget for a few moments what brought them there and actually laugh.
Some grieving people have even said that they could ‘intellectualize” the concept of laughter but could not actually laugh until the time was right.
Most writers in the field of loss and grief say that dealing with stress is the key to dealing with grief – and laughter is a good stress reliever.
One of the foremost experts on laughter as a contributing factor to good health was the late Norman Cousins. Mr. Cousins felt that a “good belly laugh” could cure almost anything. Although he cautioned that laughter was not the only antidote to stress and illness, he attributed his remarkable recovery from collagen disease in part to humor and recounted his experience in his 1979 book, “Anatomy of an Illness As Perceived by the Patient.”
Marge Heegaard, in her book Grief – A Natural Reaction To Loss, offers a suggestion to grieving people ... “Develop your sense of humor. Humor can get you through the darkness. It is as important to laugh as it is to cry.” Grief – A Natural Reaction To Loss is available in the Grief Resources Catalog.
A recent issue of the Grand View Hospital “Health View” newsletter
reports that Diane Dougherty, GVH Health Promotion and Wellness Nurse at the
hospital located in Sellerville, PA, is leading a support group about the health
benefits of laughter. Ms. Dougherty is referred to as a certified laughter leader.
(www.gvh.org).
So it may be said that laughter is both therapeutic and something that happens along the way. For a grieving person, laughter is a very important step in the reconciliation process. For many, laughter indicates that there is hope. It is one of those small things that happen that gives a grieving person the ability to get up each morning.
A recent article in the New York Times by Lizette Alvarez estimates that more than 1,600 children have lost a parent – most of them fathers – to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The essence of her article is that these children and their families must deal with their grief publicly … “ since the death of a soldier ushers in a level of attention and upheaval that families do not anticipate.” One mother commented, “The death is in the public eye ... it is hard to let go. The war is still going on, and you are reminded of it.”
A national organization that has played a key role in helping these children deal with their grief is the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) www.taps.org. TAPS is an organization that provides comfort to those who have lost a loved one in the line of military duty. It was founded in 1992 on the premise that losing a loved one in the line of military duty was far different from other types of losses. The TAPS website offers visitors several resources – Peer Support that connects you with others who have lost a loved one serving in the armed forces, Crisis Intervention with 24 hour help and information, Case Work in the event you have questions about anything from benefits to burial to resources, Grief and Trauma Resources and Information, including access to people with the Association For Death Education and Counseling organization, the International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies and the Department of Veterans Affairs Readjustment Counseling Service. There is also a TAPS Annual National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp for Young Survivors. Each week there is a TAPS Chat consisting of a national support group meeting held on line.
The Contra Costa County District Attorney’s office in Martinez, California believes that it is their obligation to help reduce the trauma and insensitivity that victims and witnesses often suffer following a crime.
Eileen Dowell, Victim Witness Assistance Program Manager notes that the District Attorney’s website states “no one can imagine the range of emotions crime victims experience – except other victims and those who assist them. There is no way to prepare for the feeling of helplessness and frustration crime victims endure.” To assist those who are experiencing a sense of grief – in addition to the rage, shock, horror and disbelief that normally accompanies a serious crime – the Victim Witness Assistance Program is now providing victims with quick read booklets dealing with grief. There are also viewings of a series of videos by Steve Tibbetts that deal with emotions closely related to loss and grief. Ms. Dowell chose materials from the Grief Resources Catalog that addressed the emotions of adults, teens and children.
Advocates guide victims through the legal system and direct them to agencies and organizations that offer assistance and emergency services. Fortunately there are many local organizations dedicated to helping those in need. Here are some of the national organizations:
National Organization for Victim Assistance (www.trynova.org)
National Center for Victims of Crime (www.ncvc.org)
Safe Horizon (www.safehorizon.org)
Crime Victims for a Just Society (www.crimevictims.net)
Homicide Victim Support Group (www.angelfire.com/tv/hvsg)
MADD (www.madd.org)
Parents of Murdered Children (www.pomc.org)
Workplace homicide has tripled in the last decade and has become the leading cause of workplace death for women and the second leading cause of workplace death for men according to The Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence website. Murder and other violent crimes have escalated to the point that the U.S. Department of Justice recently proclaimed the workplace as the most dangerous place in America.
The purpose of the MNADV project is to educate public, private and non-profit employers and employees about domestic violence and the workplace through policies, training and educational materials. For further information, contact MNADV at mnadv@aol.com.
The Grief Resources Catalog offers a quick-read booklet that may provide loved-ones, friends and co-workers with help for someone who is dealing with simple, uncomplicated grief related to the workplace. Death In The Workplace – Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief is an excellent resource.
Holidays and other special days, particularly the anniversary of
loved-one’s death, are often the source of much distress among grieving
people. Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams recognized the need for a quick-read,
inexpensive little booklet that could help a grieving person deal with these
special days. Holiday Grief – Preparing for Holidays and Other Special
Days is now available on the Grief Resources Catalog website.
Managing stress while planning and experiencing these days is a key topic of the booklet. A typical page includes a thought like … “Make a plan for the holiday, anniversary or special day … even if it’s doing nothing special at all. Making a conscious decision of what you will or will not do will help you feel more in control.”
Moore and Williams are authors of Being A Friend to Someone Who is Grieving and other grief support booklets for caregivers. As contributors to the grief category both as writers of four, well accepted grief support booklets and numerous articles about grief support, Moore and Williams are especially qualified to provide this convenient, pocket size compilation of thoughts. And, as survivors of spousal and other losses, they are able to contribute insights about the stress grieving people experience dealing with special days. The booklet is 24 pages – 3 1/4” x 3 1/4”. Copies are $1.95 with substantial quantity discounts.
As more and more people reach out for help following the loss of a loved-one, there is a growing need for trained professionals and volunteers to guide them through the grieving process. There is also the on-going need to update and expand existing skills for others. Counselors, nurses, clergy, physicians, social workers, psychologists, educators, hospice workers, chaplains, funeral directors, volunteers and others who work with the bereaved may benefit from seminars, workshops and conferences. Continuing education credits are a benefit for some attendees and many have the opportunity to hear some of the leading experts in the fields of thanatology, grief and bereavement.
In addition to traditional college venues, these training classes fall into two categories – those sponsored by medical institutions and related organizations and those sponsored by for-profit educational companies. In any case, the industry benefits from access to new ideas and information, and the advantages of networking. Grieving people seeking help will benefit from the commitment and preparedness of the grief professionals who attend these classes and seminars.
As a widow or widower comes to grips with emptiness, loneliness, guilt, financial concerns, and health issues that are all part of losing a mate, their adult children are often clueless and struggle with how to act and what to do to make the transition bearable for everyone.
Several years ago, Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams, a widow and widower respectively, and both fresh out of a grief support group, realized that widows and widowers in their support group were puzzled, perplexed and frustrated with how their adult children were handling their relationships with them following the loss of their other parent. The result of this concern was a 20-page booklet titled “Adult Children … How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent.” This was one of four booklets that Moore and Williams initially wrote that dealt with what to do and say to someone who has lost a loved one. This booklet as well as many others is available on the Internet at www.griefresourcescatalog.com.
The basic premise of this booklet is that each party (surviving parent and adult child) has experienced a major loss but each is grieving a different loss. The booklet offers comprehensive, actionable and situation specific advise for adult children. A typical suggestion would be: “Speak to your parent in terms of your shared loss. Refer to the deceased as “Mom” or “Dad” or whatever affectionate label you have always used. Express your sense of loss and pain and incorporate stories from your own perspective.” There is even a checklist to help adult children and others to organize their support efforts.
Most adult children are caring, responsible individuals who want to do the right thing. For them, and others who take on the responsibility of helping someone who has lost their spouse or partner, ”Adult Children … How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent” is just the answer. It’s a quick read and it’s packed with good ideas. The booklet has been especially popular with hospice and funeral home staff who conduct grief support programs as well as those in general who have recognized this unique problem among the newly widowed.
The booklet is $3.95 with generous volume discounts. At a 100 copies, individual booklets cost $2.00 each. This title can be mixed with other titles in this series published by Grief Encounters for volume discounts.
The definitive curriculum for starting and running a community based grief support group has been updated to include schools and colleges. The curriculum, developed by Marge Heegard, includes plans for a six-week series using GRIEF: A Natural Reaction to Loss (a companion work that is optional) to help teens and adults grow through their grief.
Ms. Heegard, MA, ATR, LISCW and Director of the Community Coalitions For Grief Support shares her twenty years experience of developing and facilitating grief support groups in this manual. Chaplains, hospice personnel, clergy, funeral directors, therapists, authors and other professional speakers have benefited from this curriculum. It includes everything needed to develop a year program such as sample letters, facilitator recruitment, and speaker and facilitator suggestions. Permission is given to copy the 19-page facilitator training program and 31 pages of educational handouts for participants. Cost of the new curriculum is $35.
The American Association of Suicidology (www.suicidology.org) offers a 35-page handbook for survivors of suicide on its website. It can be easily down loaded .
SOS – A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide was written by Jeffery Jackson. In the forward to the handbook he states that his wife, Gale, had committed suicide several years before at age 33 and that “the emotional journey of the ensuing weeks, months, and years has been the most difficult of my life.”
The handbook includes basic information about dealing with grief, but the author emphasizes that “suicide is different … because the person you have lost seems to have chosen death, and that simple fact makes a world of difference for those left to grieve.” Some of the responses he lists regarding grieving are similar and some are unique from others who grieve a death:
* Guilt – Rarely in other deaths does the survivor encounter any feelings of responsibility.
* Stigma – Society still attaches a stigma to suicide so that survivors may have to deal with blame, judgment, or exclusion.
* Anger – Although it’s not uncommon to feel some form
of anger toward the lost loved-on, it’s intensified for survivors of suicide.
For survivors of suicide, the person we lost is also the murderer of the person
we lost, bringing new meaning to the term “love/hate” relationship.
* Disconnection – When a loved-one is lost to disease or accident, it is easier to retain happy memories than when a loved-one seems to have chosen to die. When that happens, survivors feel disconnected and ‘divorced’ from their memory and are in a conflict with them and are left to resolve that conflict alone.
“Why” and “If only I had …” are a big part of a suicide survivors vocabulary and the author deals with these issues along with “facts and myths” of suicide, ‘mistaken assumptions”, and The Suicide Survivor’s Bill of Rights. This is an outstanding resource.
The National Funeral Directors website offers exceptional Internet-based continuing education for funeral service professionals. Go to www.nfda.org and click on “Professional Resources”, then click on “Online Learning Courses”.
According to the website, online learning is convenient and flexible: it’s accessible from wherever you are and whatever your schedule.
NFDA Online Learning Courses offer the special skills and information funeral directors need to deliver consistently exceptional service to consumers, improve their business practices, and maintain their professional credentials—without ever leaving their desk.
Aftercare is the service you provide to families after the funeral. Each funeral home's aftercare program will be different. Services will vary depending on the resources that are available and what your community needs. However, there are some basic aftercare features that should be provided in any program. These services make a clear statement: your concern about every family that comes through your door doesn't end when the funeral does.
The site also states, “Aftercare is a commitment to provide bereavement services that do not end with the funeral. Every aftercare program will be different. Your aftercare program should fit the particular needs of your community.”
The NFDA provides these courses for a fee. A free, sample course titled “Assessment, Bottom Line, Commitment” is available for review and if this course is an example of the quality of the other courses, this is an outstanding value.
The National Students of AMF (Ailing Mothers & Fathers) offers a unique
opportunity for grieving college students who “suffer in silence-without
support” to become connected.
When David Fajgenbaum was a student at Georgetown University in 2004, his mother
died of brain cancer. Following her death, David decided to create an outlet
for students who had similar experiences. The National Students (AMF) Support
Network (www.NationalStudentsofAMF)
provides programs that get grieving students involved and connected. National
statistics indicate that 35-48% of all college students are grieving the death
of a family member or close friend. The three campus programs currently in place
to address these problems include The Service Group that brings students (and
non-students) together in a safe place to share their feelings. The Angels Program
pairs faculty “Angels” with students to provide mentoring. The Saints
Program provides mentoring to children in the community who have experienced
loss.
Out reach programs include Campus Chapters, Online Support Services, Scholarship/Grants Program, Conferences and Fundraisers.
For National Students of AMF and other accomplishments, David Fajgenbaum has been awarded the Brick Award for those under age 25 who identify problems in their communities, and then do something about it. David co-founded Book Camp 2 Beat Cancer in Raleigh, that raised $28,000 in two years. The Brick Award was dubbed “the Oscars of youth service awards” by CNN. David, who is from Raleigh, North Carolina, was also featured in a recent USAToday article listing America’s outstanding youth.
Because children and teenagers deal with grief differently than adults, Patricia L. Papenbrock and Robert F. Voss wrote a booklet titled LOSS – How Children and Teenagers Can Cope With Death and Other Kinds of Loss. It’s a booklet that helps parents and other adults better understand the needs of children and teenagers who are experiencing grief. This quick-read booklet is published by Medic Publishing and is available from Grief Resources Catalog (www.griefresourcescatalog.com).
The booklet deals with the death of a parent, grandparent, other close relative or friend. The subjects covered include terminal illness, preparing for a coming death, sudden and unexpected death, the funeral, the grieving process (according to a child’s age), and warning signs of abnormal grief. It also encourages teens to actively work through their grief. The grief literature arena includes lots of advise for adults – especially widows, so the availability of a booklet designed to help children and teenagers is uniquely important.
“Remembered Forever” is an international website for those who have
lost a loved one and who want to cherish and celebrate his or her life. You
can share memories, photos, videos and more, creating an everlasting tribute
to those who have passed away, and access it from anywhere in the world.
The unique memorial that you create will remain online for an indefinite period
of time if you so choose
The website (www.remembered-forever.org) is organized by name and also the nature of loss, including - Death After Illness, Unexpected Loss, Loss of a Child, Loss of a Parent, Loss of a Spouse, Loss of a Sibling, Loss of a Friend, Loss of a Family Member and Those Who Take Their Own Lives.
Your memorial will include a unique website address for your online memorial
site, a section where you can tell your loved one’s life story, a place
to light virtual memorial candles, and a place to leave tributes and condolences.
You can upload photographs of your loved one into your own personal album as
well as video and audio clips (favorite song).
You can also send a message to friends and family notifying them of your memorial.
According to the website, creating a Memorial Website does not cost anything. It will be hosted free for a trial period of 5 days. However, after 5 days, if you wish to keep the memorial online so that you and others can view it, one payment of £65 / $120 (approximately) is required to ensure it stays on the Internet forever.
Many grief support groups include a segment that consists of someone coming
back to the group after a year or so and telling how he or she made
it through their own personal grief journey. Many of those who have attended
these groups, say that this is by far the most important part of the program.
The first-person narrative approach gives the grieving listeners hope that they,
too, will be able to make it through this difficult time.
The Grief Resources Catalog has a collection of authors that represent this kind of experience. Leading the list is Sandy Goodman's LOVE never dies - A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love, Goodman describes how her seemingly irrational yet relentless desire to maintain communications with her dead son enriched her life and led to one unwavering conclusion: Death is not an ending. It is another stage of life and love that is available to anyone willing to experience it.
In Sally Silagy's My Teen Angel - A Mother's Grief About Heartache - Healing – Hope, Silagy presents her tragic story as well as stories about 12 other bereaved families who have suffered the loss of a teen. She deals with normal grief responses, the stages of grief, dealing with the holidays, sibling survivors, on-line grief resources, and remembrance tokens and rituals.
In Conquering the Mysteries and Lies of Grief, Sherry Russell presents an innovative investigation into loss. Based on hundreds of interviews along with personal experiences, this book clarifies how and why grief catapults you into a crisis situation, threatening your mental, physical, and spiritual health.
Other books and booklets in this category include: Healing - A Father's Grief by William Schatz, Healing Grief by Amy Hillyard Jensen,
Curando El Pesar (Spanish version of Healing Grief), How To Recover From Grief by Richard Lewis Detrich and Nicola J. Steel, Letters To My Husband by Fern Field Brooks, Parent's Grief - Help and Understanding After The Death of a Baby by Carol Parrott, Sibling Grief by Marcia G. Sherago, Trophies and Treasures by Rose Willis Thompson and Will Our Tears Forever Flow - A Father's Story of Grief and Hope by Ted L. Wampler.
In their 1996 booklet, Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving … what
you can do and say, Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams listed four major categories
that should be addressed before someone takes on the challenge of helping someone
through his or her grief. Strength, patience, trust and wisdom make up this
list. But, even before they presented their list, they emphasized that the prospective
care-giver take a close look at his or her own well-being. Physical soundness
and a healthy mental state are qualities that are likely to play an important
role in this endeavor.
So, if you decide that you’re not up to the rigorous responsibilities or not able to bear the pressures of helping a friend in this situation, there are other things that you can do. Moore and Williams point out that staying in touch can be very important. Cards, letters and phone calls can mean a lot. An occasional lunch or other social event wherein your friend’s grief and recovery are not the main topics of conversation can be very helpful. Send flowers with a note expressing that your friend is in your thoughts. You might want to wait a while after the funeral to do this, though.
Being A Friend to Someone Who Is Grieving … what you can do and say is available from the Grief resources Catalog and provides caregivers with critical information.
The role of caregiver to a grieving person is not one that should be taken lightly since more than one person’s health may be at risk.
Grief support program facilitators are quick to stress it … counselors, funeral directors and other bereavement professionals emphasize it on a regular basis, but often grieving people tend to forget to protect themselves at this most vulnerable time in life. As a result grievers often loose assets to scam artists as well as their trust in others.
Wall Street Journal writer Jaclyne Badal, summed it up when she said …“Families in mourning have yet another burden to contend with in the weeks and months following the death of a loved one: avoiding the growing number of scams designed to take advantage of their grief.”
Scams tend to take the form of requests for payment or information. Often it will be a caller saying that the deceased had not made payments on a purchase and then requests payment. Identity theft is also a growing problem. Ms. Badal cites an instance when someone posing as a representative of the Office of Vital Statistics called a widow and requested birth and death certificates.
The author suggest the following steps to deal with potential scam artists:
* Designate one person, probably not the surviving spouse, to screen claims.
* Take charge of the conversation, by asking follow-up questions.
* Get written proof of the claim.
* Confirm that the person truly represents the company or organization cited.
* Don’t make payments immediately; take time to think and to check out
the caller.
Overall, caution is advised.
One of the best selling grief booklets ever published was updated last year to include a current account of the author’s personal story and a carefully revised version of the resource suggestions.
Healing Grief, published by Medic Publishing is available from the Grief Resources Catalog as an individual copy or in bulk with quantity discount pricing available.
A mainstay of the bereavement industry since 1980, this 24 page,
5 1/4” x 8 1/4” booklet has been a favorite of hospice professionals,
clergy, hospital personnel, funeral directors and others who come in contact
with those dealing with loss. Murray Swanson, president of Medic Publishing
notes that professionals have been especially enthusiastic in their support
of the booklet and have also helped with thoughtful criticisms. The author has
taken note of each concern, checked with authorities, and revised accordingly.
For example, questions about the use of medication for depression led to a re-statement
on that issue in an earlier edition of the booklet.
Grief support group facilitators have also shown their support of this booklet by calling it “ideal” for their groups. Individuals have often said that the booklet got them through the early days of grief and that they read it from cover to cover several times and then ordered additional copies for their family and friends.
Ms. Jensen knows grief first-hand, having lost a nine year old son, a grown son and daughter, and a husband. She also studied grief and walked with others who are grieving. Her booklet is full of substance, covering fifteen topics.
Grief support materials, usually made available by hospice, hospital and funeral home personnel to those who have lost a loved one are now being distributed by law enforcement agencies in order to help victims of crime deal with their grief.
Several major District and County Attorney’s offices are now making grief materials from the Grief Resources Catalog available to victims and witnesses in the form of inexpensive, quick-read grief support booklets. Program coordinators and others at these offices have stated that they believe that it is their obligation to help reduce the trauma and insensitivity that victims and witnesses often suffer following a crime.
Like most survivors of major loss, victims and witnesses of crimes often experience the same kinds of emotions – shock and denial, sometimes followed by despair, guilt, depression and detachment. They also experience pain, anger, resentment and sorrow. Victims and witnesses of crimes feel especially helpless and frustrated.
To assist those who are experiencing a sense of grief – in addition to the rage, horror and disbelief that normally accompanies a serious crime – these programs are also referring people to other agencies that specialize in grief counseling. Police, sheriff and fire departments have also found these grief materials helpful.
According to Google, there are almost 900 different grief sites and another 800 bereavement sites - including bulletin boards, information sites, memorial sites, individual web pages, reprints of articles and chat rooms on the Internet. Depending on the search perimeters you may find even more. But, for the most part these sites deal with the loss of a loved one (human or pet). The Grief Resources Catalog has been a part of this new dimension, currently celebrating its tenth year of operation and continuing to provide materials to professionals and individuals alike.
The website Online Grief Resources (www.wade.org/online.htm) is one of several sites that just lists other grief sites with links. These sites are often referred to as "gateways."
An introduction to this site quotes John Suler, a clinical psychologist and professor at Rider College in Lawrenceville, NJ, who specializes in group behavior on the Internet ... "The Internet is becoming a new dimension, a new realm where the self-help movement can blossom. A computer with a modem can be a connection for support. You can simply read the messages posted by others ... or post your own. The participants are generally other bereaved people."
Joan Boaz, director of Gift From Within (www.giftfromwithin.org), recently distributed an outstanding handout created for the National Association of School Psychologists regarding "compassion fatigue." The article, Understanding and Preventing Compassion Fatigue - A Handout For Professionals was written by Dr. Angelea Panos.
Compassion fatigue is the term coined to describe a set of symptoms experienced by caregivers who become overwhelmed by the exposure to the feelings and experiences of their clients. They then experience feelings of fear, pain, and suffering including intrusive thoughts nightmares, loss of energy, and hyper-vigilance.
According to Dr. Panos "anyone with the capacity for true compassion, empathy, concern and caring is vulnerable to compassion fatigue." Dr. Panos points out that the symptoms are similar to Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, only instead of the symptoms being based upon a trauma that you directly experienced, they are due to the trauma that your clients have experienced. Additionally, there is a cynical, discouraged or hopeless attitude about your work or your career that begins to set in.
For a complete transcript of this and other important works on this subject go to www.giftfromwithin.org/lhtm/articles.html and click on "Compassion fatigue".
In the fall of 1996, Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams wrote four grief booklets about how friends, relatives and co-workers could help someone who was grieving. They published them in 1997 and began exploring ways of distribution. The Internet seemed like a natural fit. It provided a way for people who could not get to a traditional retail outlet to purchase booklets like these and it opened the door to millions of potential customers.
As it turned out, there were quite a few other grief writers and producers of videos who were also facing the same dilemma. The idea of offering a selection of grief booklets, books and tapes over the Internet emerged. As it turned out, that was the easy part. Putting together an inter-active website and dealing with the challenges of Internet marketing and distribution was a little overwhelming at times. Dennis had a background in consumer advertising and marketing; Barbara's career in social work included recruitment advertising and media, but both were often stymied by some of the new technology.
Ten years later Moore and Williams have learned a lot about the Internet and the Grief Resources Catalog website has grown to meet the needs of bereavement professionals who have come to depend on the website for inexpensive grief support booklets.
Members of NOVA - the National Association Of Victim Assistance have increased their use of quick-read grief booklets to those who have been victims of crime or crisis of some kind. Dr. Will Marling, Interim Executive Director of NOVA, leads a group of concerned members that makes up the largest organization in the world championing the rights of victims. NOVA was founded in 1975 and has played a critical role in dealing with victims of major catastrophes, crime and abuse of the elderly.
NOVA members representing Victim and Witness programs from major State Attorney General, County and District Attorney offices, are now providing inexpensive, quick-read grief support booklets from the Grief Resources Catalog. Program managers at these agencies have said that "helping reduce the trauma and insensitivity that victims and witnesses often suffer following a crime is our responsibility."
Other members of NOVA - some who have established and operate foundations with websites dedicated to the memory of a loved-one who was the victim of a criminal act - have also started to utilize these booklets. For them and others there is a belief that most newly grieving people do not have the ability to concentrate on or comprehend the content of a book about grief. But they do have the ability and desire to cling to short thoughts about grief resolution and quick-read little grief booklets offer this.
For most care-givers, there aren't enough hours in the day or enough tissues in the Kleenex box. It's a difficult job that requires patience, understanding and often a very tough hide.
Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams wrote four different little booklets for care-givers. In the booklet Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving, the authors listed four major categories that should be addressed before someone takes on the challenge of helping someone through his or her grief. Strength, patience, trust and wisdom make up this list. But, even before they presented their list, they emphasized that the prospective care-giver take a close look at his or her own well-being. Physical soundness and a healthy mental state are qualities that are likely to play an important role in this endeavor.
In Adult Children - How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent they emphasized that the adult child and surviving parent have both experienced a major loss but are grieving for different reasons. This booklet is a favorite of hospice workers.
For those who want to help a widower, the booklet Widowers - How They Grieve And What You Can Do To Help provides a look at how a care-giver can maneuver through machismo and other cultural influences that often make widowers deal with grief differently. And, for those who face the daunting task of balancing workplace needs with those of a coworker who is grieving, Death In The Workplace - Workers And Managers Dealing With Grief is an excellent guide.
All the booklets are comprehensive, actionable and situation specific. Each
has a check list to help you organize your support efforts. The booklets are
each
5 1/2" x 8 1/2" and 20 pages in length.
Two of the most powerful experiences that people have when they suffer a major loss are guilt and depression. Most people feel guilty about some aspect of the loss. This guilt can often lead to depression because people tend to direct those feelings towards themselves. They deal with “the shoulda/oughta/gotta/do’s” in their lives. Depression is a major part of the grief experience. This DVD makes a clear distinction between clinical depression or major depression episodes and other forms of depression. Mr. Tibbetts presents this discussion in an adult grief support group setting. The DVD is approximately 30 minutes in length and the cost is $42.50. This is one of seven DVD's produced by Mr. Tibbetts and Heartsounds Center.
Grief is such an all-consuming and complicated experience that bereavement professionals usually encourage grieving people to avoid major decisions for at least a year and to be extremely careful with alcohol and drugs. There's a thin line between grief and depression and grief counselors and doctors struggle to identify and treat patients accordingly.
Can grief be medicated away? Should it be?
Last October, Tara Parker-Pope reported in her daily blog, at nytimes.com/health,
that researchers at Columbia University had stumbled across a surprising trend.
More than half of the 33 Philadelphia-region doctors that the scientists interviewed
said they had prescribed Xanax and other potentially addictive drugs specifically
for bereavement.
Many experts fear that these drugs are widely overused in older patients, leading to serious health worries, including sleep troubles, cognitive difficulties, car crashes and falls. Yet doctors in the survey seemed willing to offer unlimited amounts of these addictive drugs to help patients cope with death.
The researchers also interviewed 50 older, long-term users of these drugs. Notably, 20 percent said they were initially prescribed benzodiazepines for bereavement but never stopped taking them. The average length of use was nine years.
A contributor named Brad, on the Mombu Internet forum, summed it up by saying that ... "while meds might help with the mentality of grief and help stabilize you chemically, you still need help emotionally ... especially therapy."
Recent newspaper articles seem to indicate that this may be another example of the concerns about over medication for various age-related ailments.
Hospital and hospice bereavement professionals, chaplains and funeral directors have all shown an increased interest in Amy Hillyard Jensen's popular and best selling grief booklet Healing Grief in Spanish.
A mainstay of the bereavement industry, this 24 page, 5 1/4” x 8 1/4” booklet has been a favorite of those who come in contact with someone dealing with loss.
Curando El Pesar, published by Medic Publishing, is available from Grief Resources Catalog as individual copies or in bulk with quantity discount pricing available. Single copies are $3.95 each.
Grief support group facilitators have also shown their support of this booklet by calling it “ideal” for their groups. Individuals have often said that the booklet got them through the early days of grief and that they read it from cover to cover several times and then ordered copies for their family and friends.
Ms. Jensen knows grief first-hand, having lost a nine year old son, a grown son and daughter, and a husband. She also studied grief and walked with others who are grieving. Her booklet is full of substance, covering fifteen topics. According to the publisher, no other work does so much in so little space. There are more than 4 million copies of Healing Grief and Curando El Pesar in print.
Through education, social and emotional support, hospice bereavement personnel can provide family members, friends and loved-ones of the deceased with important grief support information.
In order to provide bereavement support, there are a few key grief booklets
that hospice personnel order from the Grief Resources Catalog - Adult Children
- How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent, Widowers - How They Grieve
And What You Can Do To Help and Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving. These
booklets discuss very specific, and often times thorny issues. In Adult Children
How To Deal With The Grief Of A Surviving Parent, the adult child and
surviving parent have both experienced a major loss but are grieving for different
reasons. For widowers, machismo and other cultural influences often dictate
behavior. In Being A Friend, the authors' stress the ability of the care-giver
to be able to withstand the pressures of being there for a grieving person.
Also included are very specific things you can do and say and things you shouldn't
do and say.
These are three of the four booklets written by Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams about how friends, family members and co-workers can help someone who is grieving. The fourth booklet - Death In The Workplace - Workers and Managers Dealing With Grief has been a big seller with Employee Assistance Program managers, government offices and small business owners. Each of the booklets includes a checklist to help the care-giver organize his or her support efforts.
If you're looking for a low cost brochure for distribution to your clients or customers that will help them help some-one who is grieving, Grief Resources Catalog has you covered.
"Is There Anything I Can Do To Help?" is an economical little brochure published by Medic Publishing. It includes 19 suggestions for friends and relatives of a grieving survivor. It's a listing of practical things that might make a big difference. 6 panels, 3 5/8" x 7 1/8". The per unit cost for this brochure is very attractive, too - with a price of 0.16 each or $.08 each when at least 5,000 are ordered.
Whether it's cash, check, or credit card, an estate donation, IRA's or stocks, bequests to hospices provide important additional resources for patients, families and friends.
Gifts to hospice - even in the form of a mutual fund, life insurance ... or even a car, often support the terminally ill and their loved ones regardless of financial circumstances. Funds also support home health care, various facilities and special programs like camps for children who have experienced a loss.
Bereavement programs are also recipients of many of these gifts. Hospice bereavement professionals have reported that more and more of these funds are being spent on inexpensive grief booklets.
One hospice bereavement coordinator said that ... "if asked, we encourage survivors to include a mention in the funeral notice or obituary that in lieu of flowers, gifts may be sent to the hospice. It's a way for the patient and the family to say thanks."
Hospices consider donations to be a vital element in their survival. As such, they have identified many ways to make donations work for everyone. Matching donations from employers can often increase the impact of a gift by an individual.
Gifts to hospice can be a lasting memorial to a loved-one and provide financial help to a truly worthwhile organization.
A new study presented at the American College of Cardiology's annual meeting held in Chicago in March, 2008 suggests that sudden death, in most cases triggered by arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat), can happen unexpectedly and often in less than one hour following the onset of symptoms. Stefan Anitei, Science Editor for SoftPedia.com reported the following findings based on that presentation.
"We've all known close family members who have died within hours, weeks or months of each other. Physicians should be aware that mental stress, such as the anniversary effect, may induce sudden death in susceptible individuals," said lead researcher Dr. Ivan Mendoza from Central University of Venezuela in Caracas.
His team analyzed data on 102 documented sudden deaths of individuals aged 37 to 79. About 70% appeared to have died of coronary artery disease. 12% of the cases happened at the commemoration date of the death of a parent: 7 on the father's commemoration and 5 on the mother's. In one case, it was the commemoration of both parents, who had died about the same date.
Only in about 30% of the cases, the sudden death occurred approximately at the death age of the parents. About 80% of the sudden deaths were experienced by men.
"The reason for this is not understood, but may reflect gender differences in response to stressful situations," said co-researcher Dr. Juan Marques, also from the Central University of Venezuela.
"Patients may be especially vulnerable if they have a history of heart attack, family history of sudden death or coronary disease, and cardiovascular risk factors such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, smoking, obesity or a sedentary lifestyle," said Mendoza.
This wonderful coloring and illustration book titled When Someone Very Special Dies – Children Can Learn To Cope With Grief is one of three illustration books from Marge Heegaard and offered through the Grief Resources Catalog.
The book provides children with a means of illustrating their feelings through symbols, lines and colors. Parents can help by reading the concepts in each unit but they should allow children to illustrate what they, and they alone, feel. It is recommended that the book be used just once weekly for 1-1 1/2 hours - although individual needs may vary.
Ms. Heegaard is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Registered Art Therapist and Certified Grief Counselor. She has been a leader in developing support for adults and children using the art process to express feelings of grief. This book is part of a series called DRAWING OUR FEELINGS designed to provide parents, educators, and counselors an organized approach to help children cope with grief from family loss or change.
The book was developed for children ages 6-12. It focuses on their ideas and
expressions instead of their drawing ability. It includes helpful suggestions
on how adults can help children cope with death and grief. The book is
36 pages, 11” x 8 1/2” and the cost is $9.95.
The role of the bereavement coordinator is one of the most important in the grief industry. In hospices, funeral homes, churches and hospitals - bereavement coordinators are called upon to deal with the grief related to the death of a loved one on a daily basis.
Bereavement coordinators have the responsibility of providing grief-counseling needs on a one-to-one basis or for groups. Often times this requires ongoing follow-ups to ensure timely and appropriate services are provided to family and/or caregivers. These professionals provide bereavement information and referral services to those in need and do it in a timely manner. They make contact with patients and families in need of bereavement support prior to the death of a loved one and then provide follow-up with the family though telephone calls and personal visits.
Sometimes they are called upon to organize and facilitate grief support programs.
For some, this involves finding a suitable location, lining up speakers, and
providing appropriate literature. And then there are meetings and reports. It’s
a difficult job but for some it’s the best job in the world. For those
hoping to be a bereavement coordinator, a bachelor's degree in Psychology, Social
Work, Sociology,
or related field, from an accredited university is usually required. You should
have two years experience in counseling and a year of supervisory experience.
The expression "elephant in the room" refers to a situation where something major is going on, it's on everyone's mind and impossible to ignore -- like an elephant in the room. But nobody talks about the "elephant" because nobody knows what to do about it.
For the grieving person attending a social get together or party following the death of his or her spouse or other loved one, there is a heightened sense of awareness often referred to as 'skinlessness'. The grieving person is extra sensitive to things other people do and say. In their booklet titled Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving, Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams provide suggestions on how you can help a friend who is experiencing grief as a result of the death of a loved one. It includes things you can do and say as well as things you should not do and say. The authors discuss levels of commitment, how to avoid misunderstandings, dealing with new social situations and more. The "elephant" isn't going to go away but with a more sensitive and thoughtful environment it will be less evident.
The booklet is one of four that Moore and Williams wrote after they attended
a grief support group following the deaths of their spouses. They wrote the
booklets after they witnessed the problems that their friends and fellow-grievers
experienced during that most-difficult time. The other booklets provide suggestions
for dealing with adult children and a surviving parent, widowers, and on the
job situations with
co-workers and managers.
People who have lost a loved one want quick answers to very difficult questions.
Many bereavement professionals have found that quick-read little booklets about dealing with the roller-coaster ride of grief provide some of the answers that grieving people are looking for. These little booklets offer support to the grieving person, the care-taker and to professionals.
Gale Massey’s time tested booklet, Grief … Reminders for Healing, Amy Hillyard Jensen’s best selling booklet Healing Grief, Steve Mitchell’s, It’s OK – A Journey Through Grief, and Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams' Holiday Grief - Preparing for Holidays and Other Special Days are examples of the inexpensive grief booklets available on the web from Grief Resources Catalog. These booklets have become indispensable resources for funeral directors, hospice and hospital personnel and clergy.
Grief professionals often mention that people are in shock following the death of a loved one and it’s unlikely that anything that is said will have an impact on the survivors. They also mention that books on grief are something that might be best suggested for a later time when survivors have a longer attention span. They point to small, inexpensive booklets as a way a grieving person can gain basic answers.
Grief Resources Catalog carries more than 50 different grief books, booklets and DVD’s. Books and booklets for children and adults can have a big impact on those who receive them. For additional information or a free, printed catalog or to order materials, contact Grief Resources Catalog at www.griefresourcescatalog.com. Or, call 952-922-3469 or write to Grief Resources Catalog, 5021 Vernon Avenue, #209, Edina, MN 55436.
Each year thousands of teenagers in the United States experience the death of someone they love. When a parent, sibling, friend or relative dies, teens feel the painful loss of someone who helps shape his or her self-concept. Unless the feelings of grief are processed and healed, these feelings about the death can become a part of their lives for years.
Teens are no longer children and they are not yet adults. Other than infancy, no developmental period has more tumultuous change than adolescence. Leaving the stability of childhood, the adolescent begins the process of moving away from parents and forming a new sense of autonomy. During this time, they are in the process of investigating the beliefs and values they learned during childhood and attempting to form their own. The death of a loved one, then, can be a particularly overwhelming experience during this already complicated and challenging period.
How adults respond when a death of a loved one occurs can have a tremendous impact in the way a teen processes grief. At times adults struggle with the death of a loved one and don't want to talk about the death, believing that by doing so teens will be spared some of the pain and sadness. Adults who may be avoiding their own grief may discourage teens from sharing their grief. Bereaved teens are often pressured to act as they seem to be doing better than they really are.
One way this can happen is when a parent dies, many teens are told by well meaning family members to "be strong" and to "carry on" for the surviving parent. The teen may be working very hard to cope with his or her own circumstances let alone be able to support someone else. Obviously, this kind of situation complicates the teen's "grief work". Teens often need a caring adult to affirm that it is natural and healthy to feel sad as well as any number of different feelings after a loved one dies. Teens benefit from gentle reminders that the pain they feel right now will not go on forever, but will slowly heal as they express their feeling of grief. When teens receive the message "ignore your grief.", they may suffer more from feeling isolated and alone in their grief than from the actual death itself.
Teens that are having a particularly hard time with grief may benefit from many resources available in most communities. School counselors, clergy and private therapists are appropriate resources. Peer grief support groups are one of the best ways to support grieving teens as they naturally look to their peers for affirmation of their feelings and experiences.
Because grief can be particularly difficult during the teenage years, it is helpful to know what behaviors may signal that a teen is struggling with grief. Most teens do not have a large number of symptoms but usually have some. Below are some grief symptoms to beware of:
Emotional Challenges: chronic depression, deep sadness, consistent irritability,
restlessness and low self esteem.
Physical Challenges: Sleeping difficulties or over-sleeping, eating too much
or not at all, fatigue, stomach and head aches as well as other physical complaints.
Social Challenges: Break doswn of relationships with family and friends, wanting
to be alone all the time, risk-taking behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse,
fighting, and sexual experimentation or promiscuity, denying pain while at the
same time acting overly strong or mature.
Cognitive and School Challenges: Lack of concentration, declining grades, academic
failure or indifference to school-related or social activities, or over activity
and acting too busy (trying to block out the pain).
Spirituality Challenges: Anger with God, concerns regarding the after-life,
and questioning or loss of belief system, struggling with feelings of forgiveness
and guilt.
Complicated grief is the medical term for someone who grieves for months or years after the beloved has died and does not move through the stages of grief. The grief is just as strong as the day their beloved died. Granted, grief is a very individual process and peple need their own span of time to grieve. The kind of grief we’re talking about here is unhealthy grief, when it consumes your life almost like an obsession. Treating complicated grief is dicey at best.
Now, a UCLA study suggests that there may be a physical and potentially treatable reason for complicated grief. The complete study was published in the journal NeuroImage.
Addicted to Grief?
The study looked at twenty-three women in grief due to the loss of a close family
member. Eleven had complicated grief, while twelve had "normal" grief
and acted as a control group. They underwent MRI scans as they were given photos
to look at. Whenever photos of who they were grieving for appeared to those
with complicated grief, the pleasure centers of their brains became very active.
Although this suggests that people choose to go into complicated grief because it feels good, the study’s lead author Mary-Frances O’Connor, Ph.D warns that there’s a lot more complicated issues going on. She also stresses that someone in complicated grief feels bad rather than good.
Definitions of Complicated Grief
Complicated Grief may be seen as:
* Prolonged Grief: Grief does not have a timeline for completion. Intense grief,
years after a loss, may need additional counseling support.
* Delayed Grief: Grief that has not been processed at the time of loss will
often reappear at a later time and require additional work.
* Exaggerated Grief: Occasionally someone overwhelmed by grief may respond to
the loss with symptoms that impair functioning, i.e. depression, anxiety disorders,
substance abuse, etc.
Compassionate Friends Bereavement Organization
Recognizes 141 Compassionate Employers
In early March of this year, employers that have shown extra sensitivity to employees that have experienced the death of a child, sibling, or grandchild were recognized as Compassionate Employer Recognition recipients by The Compassionate Friends, the nation's largest bereavement organization with more than 600 chapters. Representing 39 states, these employers range from small companies to those with thousands of employees.
So often employees who have experienced the death of a child are expected to
return to work in three days, handle the same workload as before, and to leave
their grief at home. There is oftentimes a lack of understanding by employers
about the realities of grief in the workplace. These 141 employers, large and
small, public and private, are being recognized for providing the compassion
and understanding that is so vital to the bereavement process.
Nominated by the persons they have directly helped, these employers are receiving
Compassionate Employer Recognition in 2009 for going above and beyond the normal
policies of most companies in helping their employees when the death of a child
occurred.
Criteria includes, but are not limited to:
1. Allowing additional time off without loss of benefits.
2. Allowing flexible work schedules and assignments.
3. Allowing leeway in job performance standards.
4. Fostering an environment of mutual support among coworkers.
5. Providing professional grief counseling, human resources support, or information
regarding self-help bereavement organizations.
6. Other policies and practices that go beyond what is normal in the community.
This is the ninth year for recognition of employers, with recipients jumping from three the first year, to the current 141.
For a complete listing of companies, check www.bio-medicine.org/
Compassionate-Friends-Bereavement-Organization-Recognizes-141-Compassionate-Employers
In their 1996 booklet, Being A Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving … what
you can do and say, Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams listed four major categories
that should be addressed before someone takes on the challenge of helping someone
through his or her grief. Strength, patience, trust and wisdom make up this
list. But, even before they presented their list, they emphasized that the prospective
care-giver take a close look
at his or her own well-being.
Physical soundness and a healthy mental state are qualities that are likely
to play an important role in this endeavor.
So, if you decide that you’re not up to the rigorous responsibilities or not able to bear the pressures of helping a friend in this situation, there are other things that you can do. Moore and Williams point out that staying in touch can be very important. Cards, letters and phone calls can mean a lot. An occasional lunch or other social event wherein your friend’s grief recovery is not the main topic of conversation can be very helpful. Send flowers with a note expressing that your friend is in your thoughts. You might want to wait a while after the funeral to do this, though.
The role of caregiver to a grieving person is not one that should be taken lightly since more than one person’s health may be at risk. These booklets are 16 pages plus cover, 5 1/2 x 8 1/2" and are priced at $3.95 with quantity discounts. They include a handy checklist to help you organize your support efforts.
The process of re-establishing relationships following the death of a spouse is one of the key factors in how people deal with their grief. For men the process is often accelerated because of the desire to seek companionship.
For women, there is often a longer period devoted to the grieving process. But, for many surviving spouses, there is a difficult phase of re-entering the social scene. Barbara Moore and Dennis Williams addressed some of these issues in Being of Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving, a quick-read booklet written so that care-givers and friends could help in the grief reconciliation process.
In a section titled 'Encountering Social Situations', the author's discuss the new dynamics that may exist in a group that the recently widowed person may have been a part of as a couple. Some people in the group may not be prepared to deal with the sadness and will tend to avoid the subject or the grieving person altogether. Some may feel threatened by a newly single person in their group. Some grief experts have compared the balance of a group to that of a well-designed mobile: When one of the pieces is removed, everything else is out of balance.
The one group that may be the most accepting is a grief support group. Although not for everyone, grief support groups tend to provide a social outlet that a grieving person may need. And, most, if not all, of those attending a grief support group are dealing with the reality of "aloneness."
The Being of Friend To Someone Who Is Grieving booklet is available on the Grief Resources Catalog website at $3.95 each with quantity discounts available.
A recent article in the Chattanooga Times Free Press reported that in less than two hours after a fatal car accident, hundreds of people poured into a local hospital to show support for the families of those involved.
Text messages, Facebook updates and cell phone calls alerted friends to the wreck that killed a local 17 year-old boy and seriously injured another.
The father of the teen who lost his life was amazed at how fast news traveled. About 15 to 20 minutes after he arrived at the hospital, people started showing up to offer support thatwas a tribute to the friendly and fun personalities of the deceased and his family, and also showed how supportive -- and technologically connected the community is.
Several days later there were 1,080 members of Facebook's "In Memory" page for the deceased ready to share their feelings.
With more than 200 million active Facebook users, and half of all teenagers using some form of social networking, the practice of posting online messages to phenomenon. According to a spokesperson, Facebook does not delete profiles of the deceased, but puts them in a "memorial state," which hides some information from view.
A 2009 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research on social networking and death found that users often continue a relationship with the profile of the deceased for months. The study looked at 20 deceased persons' profiles on an undisclosed social-networking site and recorded 1,167 people posting 4,780 comments over a 10-month period.
After a University of Colorado student was killed in a car crash, friends began posting messages expressing shock and sadness on his Facebook profile. Posts recounted memories, updates on current news and holiday wishes.
One student commented that "It may be changing how we see death … we may not see it as such a strong permanence because we still have a method to communicate with them."
Fourteen months later, friends are still actively writing. Social networking seems to provide comfort to people sharing their grief.
Fran Schumer, writing in The New York Times recently, reported "that an extreme form of grieving, called complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder is under consideration to be included in the 2012 American Psychiatric Association handbook for diagnosing mental disorders."
About 2.5 million people die each year and, on average, four other people are directly affected. About 15 percent of these grievers never get over their grief. This means more than a million people each year are dealing with a problem that makes them barely functional. Ms. Schumer quotes Dr. Katherine Shear, a professor at Columbia, who refers to this disorder as "a loop of suffering." This suffering may be what leads the American Psychiatric Association to action.
Not everyone agrees, though. Some experts feel that complicated grief should not be considered a separate condition, merely an aspect of existing disorders, like depression.
Describing complicated grief is also a challenge. The current description is that of an acute condition persisting more than six months after a death. Its chief symptom is yearning for a loved one so intense that it strips a person of other desires. Other symptoms include intrusive thoughts about death, uncontrollable bouts of sadness, guilt and other negative emotions.
Regardless of how complicated grief is classified, the discussion highlights
a larger issue: the need for a more nuanced look at bereavement.
Ms Schumer's article can be found at www.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/health/2.
For those who are grieving a loss and for care-givers who want to help, the added weight of the winter blues can be an overwhelming burden.
Whether it's called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or Fall/Winter
Depression, there are some things you can do to ward off the winter blues.
Studies have shown that for some people, winter brings with it sleep problems, overeating, depression, family and social problems, lethargy, and some physical and behavioral problems.
For the winter blues, some professionals have suggested that looking at TV images of warm, sunny places can help. Some people take antidepressants during the winter months and if they take them year round, they increase the dosage during the winter. Exercise continues to be advised as an effective tool against depression and additional light, either in the form of a Sunbox light box or full-spectrum light bulbs can help. Another suggestion is to seek out support from someone else that suffers from Winter Seasonal Depression and regularly commiserate with him or her
It is always a good idea to seek the advice and support of your doctor is such matters. What you may think is just the winter blues may be something else entirely.
Dealing with grief in hard work. Try not to make it more difficult by catching the winter blues.
Occasionally we have the opportunity to talk with those who order grief materials over the phone. When we do, we are constantly reminded of the impact these little books make on those who are grieving a loss. One funeral director recently said that Healing Grief had everything someone who is grieving could possibly need to know. We've always known it's a great little grief booklet but it's nice to hear it from others.
Healing Grief, and a Spanish language version titled Curando El Pesar, is available from Grief Resources Catalog as individual copies or with quantity discount pricing available.
A mainstay of the bereavement industry since 1980, this 24 page,
5 1/4” x 8 1/4” booklet has been a favorite of hospice professionals,
clergy, hospital personnel, funeral directors and others who come in contact
with those dealing with loss. It has been noted that professionals have been
especially enthusiastic in their support of the booklet and have also helped
with thoughtful criticisms. The author has taken note of each concern, checked
with authorities, and revised accordingly. For example, questions about the
use of medication for depression led to a re-statement on that issue in an earlier
edition.
Grief support group facilitators have also shown their support for this booklet by calling it “ideal” for their groups. Individuals have often said that the booklet got them through the early days of grief and that they read it from cover to cover several times and then ordered additional copies for their family and friends.
Her booklet is full of substance, covering fifteen topics including anger, guilt, sadness, children, silence, tears, suicide, faith, and growth. No other work, to our knowledge, does so much in so little space
Ms. Jensen knows grief first-hand, having lost a nine year old son, a grown son and daughter, and a husband. She also studied grief and walked with others who are grieving.
Fran Schumer, writing in The New York Times recently, reported "that an extreme form of grieving, called complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder is under consideration to be included in the 2012 American Psychiatric Association handbook for diagnosing mental disorders."
About 2.5 million people die each year and, on average, four other people are directly affected. About 15 percent of these grievers never get over their grief. This means more than a million people each year are dealing with a problem that makes them barely functional. Ms. Schumer quotes Dr. Katherine Shear, a professor at Columbia, who refers to this disorder as "a loop of suffering." This suffering may be what leads the American Psychiatric Association to action.
Not everyone agrees, though. Some experts feel that complicated grief should not be considered a separate condition, merely an aspect of existing disorders, like depression.
Describing complicated grief is also a challenge. The current description is that of an acute condition persisting more than six months after a death. Its chief symptom is yearning for a loved one so intense that it strips a person of other desires. Other symptoms include intrusive thoughts about death, uncontrollable bouts of sadness, guilt and other negative emotions.
Regardless of how complicated grief is classified, the discussion highlights
a larger issue: the need for a more nuanced look at bereavement.
Ms Schumer's article can be found at www.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/health/2.
For those who are grieving a loss and for care-givers who want to help, the added weight of the winter blues can be an overwhelming burden.
Whether it's called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD )or Fall/Winter
Depression, there are some things you can do to ward off the winter blues.
Studies have shown that for some people, winter brings with it sleep problems, overeating, depression, family and social problems, lethargy, and some physical and behavioral problems.
For the winter blues, some professionals have suggested that looking at TV images of warm, sunny places can help. Some people take antidepressants during the winter months and if they take them year round, they increase the dosage during the winter. Exercise continues to be advised as an effective tool against depression and additional light, either in the form of a Sunbox light box or full-spectrum light bulbs can help. Another suggestion is to seek out support from someone else that suffers from Winter Seasonal Depression and regularly commiserate with him or her
It is always a good idea to seek the advice and support of your doctor is such matters. What you may think is just the winter blues may be something else entirely.
Dealing with grief in hard work. Try not to make it more difficult by catching the winter blues!
Workplace Deaths Decline But Grief Remains A Challenge
According to the latest Labor Department estimates, on-the-job deaths have reached an all time low, nationally. Statistics show that workplace deaths have been dropping for decades although a decline in manufacturing jobs due to the current recession may also be a contributing factor. One report showed that most workers were killed in highway crashes while driving a vehicle to and from work.
Human resource professionals view workplace grief as a continuing concern in
spite of the downturn in
workplace deaths. This concern is confirmed by the popularity of the quick-read
booklet published by Grief Encounters and written by Barbara Moore and Dennis
Williams titled Death In The Workplace … Workers and Managers Dealing
With Grief. It deals with how co--workers can be of help to someone who is grieving
the loss of a friend or loved one. A survey of human resource professionals
reported 88% of the respondents said that "they or a colleague had recently
faced, or anticipated facing the loss of a loved one" ... and "that
74% acknowledged that they were at a loss for words or self-conscious about
what to do for the bereaved ... ". Unresolved grief problems - personal
or work related - may lead to other, more destructive behavior resulting in
poor productivity, and high absenteeism.
This 20 page, 5 1/2" x 8 1/2" booklet answers many of these questions It's $3.95 with quantity discounts available.